Bahrain Boat Disaster

Most anyone who knows me knows of my time in the Middle East. I usually just tell people I lived in Saudi Arabia, because they know where that is. But the truth is I lived on a little island nation off the coast of Saudi called Bahrain. It's only 10 miles by 30 miles, so you don't usually know about it unless you're really looking...

...or unless it makes the news.

Since Bahrain is an island, there's alot of fishing. The fishing is done on a boat called a Dhow. There are some more elaborate dhows, however - ones used as dinner boats or site-seeing vessels that sail around the harbor.

And like all boats, sometimes they capsize. There's a headline on BBC today about such a dissaster. There's a map of the island, so you can see my old hometown of Manama, and get an idea of how culturally diverse the little island is from the nationalities listed aboard the boat.

"Disciplines for Life"

I did it again. I thought I could stretch my book out further than it would go. I thought when I left the house this morning that I'd have enough left to read to see me through both the to and fro bus trips of my day, but I finished it on the way to work, and I didn't stick another book in my bag for the ride home...

But my devouring the last chapters on the way to work says something about the book. It's called Disciplines for Life by C.J. Mahaney and John Loftness. It's topic is the spiritual disciplines.

I had always kind of had a problem with the idea of the "quiet time" that I was presented with as I was growing up. The whole "15 minutes of bible reading, 15 minutes of prayer" seemed so dry and obligatory to me. I was never able to stay consistant because I didn't see any change come from it. When I searched scripture, I didn't see this accepted method perscribed anywhere. I began to wonder then if this whole "quiet time" thing was really a biblical idea...

Well, turns out it isn't and it is. The 15/15 upon waking format is directly mandated nowhere in scripture. However, the things that the 15/15 upon waking format encompass are. If you ask me now, I'm a hearty advocate of the traditional quiet time, because I've come to a better understanding of the heart motivation that must accompany the practical action. When this is properly understood, these times are rich, precious, and work alot of change in my heart and life.

That's why I liked this book so much. It didn't talk about "quiet times" first thing in the morning. It didn't even talk about quiet times. It just talked about the spiritual disciplines displayed in scripture and took them one per chapter, encrouaging the reader to work them into their life. Some things can't be practiced daily, but some things must if we're to truly grow in godliness. And honestly, most of these daily disciplines are best accomplished in the traditional notion of a "quiet time". I appreciated this book's focus on the heart and our posture before God and not so much on "here are the bullet points - now get to work checking them off! It'll please the Lord!" Friends, no it won't. God doesn't care so much about what we're doing as what the stance of our heart is. Quiet times are completely useless if we're just checking off boxes.

One of the things that really stood out to me was the emphasis on flexibility. We should tailor our practice of the spiritual disciplines to meet our spiritual needs at a given time, as well as be open to the Holy Spirit leading our pursuit of God in a different direction. For example, if we're convicted of a specific sin, we shouldn't feel chained to our Bible reading plan - we should feel free to follow up on that conviction with study of what scripture has to say about that sin. Or if we're presented with a major decision, we shouldn't feel we can't break our morning quiet time routine to spend an extended time praying and seeking God for guidance later in the day. Consistancy is important, but rigidity can be dangerous.

My quiet times lately haven't seemed very fulfilling. I had this book on my reading list for the year and decided it was time to read it. I realized that I had fallen into "checking off boxes." I'd become a desperate, obliged habit keeper. But after reading this book I see that some things have got to change.

I'm going to read through it again and revamp my practice of the spiritual disciplines. I whole-heartedly recommend it to everyone who feels like something's gotta change - because chances are, something does.

Housefly with glasses

look at this!

"Handsets taken to the grave"

Check this out

French Protests

I don't how many of you are following what's going on in France today. The government recently passed a law that would allow employers to fire anyone under 26 without reason or warning within a two year trial period, which starts the day they're hired.

The French youths are not pleased about it. They've been protesting ever since the law was passed, most of the time peacefully.

But today the protests were so massive they basically shut France down. Even the Eiffle Tower was closed. A million people took to the streets all over the country to protest the law. (At right: protesters in Marseille, France) It seems to be growing more chaotic and violent though...

If you're interested inseeing more, click the link below.

BBC's In Pictures: French Protests

Gift Cards and the Gospel

I have a little sticket on my desk at work with my wishlist on it. It's not terribly long, and I don't sit and sigh over the items thereon, but I do desire the things when the means are available. Thing # 1 on that list is a pair of brown cordoroy pants.

I went with some girls from my caregroup to a Ladies Meeting at the Fairfaix Soveriegn Grace Church last Saturday. The meeting and message were GREAT (download the message for March 25th here.) Before the message, though, they always play some games. This meeting they did give-aways. The give-aways were gift cards.

The way they decided who would win was they drew a number to identify a section of the audience (I was in section 2), then a number to identify the row of that section (I was row 7), then a final number to identify the seat in that row (I was seat 6). Whoever was in that specified seat won a gift card.

There were four gift cards, and on the third drawing 2 was called (and a gentle hum rose up from my section), then 7 was called (and all the girls in my row started squirming and fluttering a little) then 6 was called.

Honestly? I wasn't paying much attention. I wasn't feeling my best and I never win these kinds of things anyway. So when the girls in my group started hissing "Kari! That's you! That's you!" it took me a minute to get what was going on. But I did, and clutzed my way to the aisle to retrieve a $25 gift card to Old Navy.

I'm sure I blushed as I took it. I was really quite humbled. "Why me?" I silently asked God. I stuck it in my bag, freshly aware of how kind God was. I almost cried. (Kinda sappy sounding, I know, but really, all I could think about was that those numbers weren't random - God is soveriegn and he'd planned for me to recieve this little present. That's an intimately involved God! Yet a gift card is nothing compared to the gift of salvation granted me when Christ died in my place...then I started thinking of the gospel...and God's holiness...and my sinfulness... Are you starting to see why I was so moved? I was so glad for worship when it came time.)

We went out to lunch after the meeting ended and went home. I went shopping later that night to spend the gift card. I always check the clearance rack first - and wouldn't you know there were a pair of brown cordoroys, in my size, for half off? I could've cried right there...but I wanted until after I'd tried them on and they fit. They even had this awesome embroidered kabala design on the back pockets, lending a yoga-like touch to the get-up. I even adored the hemp-colored thread used on every seam. And because they were half off, I still had money left over to buy something fun - I chose a big hobo bag, which my husband has christened "the sack".

Every time I wear those cords or pick up my "sack", I find myself thinking of how God paid the price for them. I recieved them at no cost to myself. He did the same thing to purches my salvation - another thing I recieved at no cost to myself. What an amazing gift.

The Snowman Pictures

Remember the snow man I wrote about building with my husband back in February?

Here he is!!!

(for scale, I'm 5'5" and Stephan's over 6')

(above) Here's Sir Sysiphys Hillary!

Here's me hugging our new friend

It's hard to see, but Stephan's got his arm straight up over his head - the snowman's still taller

Me

It's tradition that we always take a photo of ourselves - Stephan took this one. You can see his arm. We've done this ever since our honeymoon.

My Eyes

When I was getting ready to move back to America after living in the Middle East, a friend of mine offered to draw a picture of me as a going-away present. He was a phenomenal artist, so I agreed to sit for him. But first he had to pick his colors.

"Lean over the table," he said, "so I can get your eye color."

So I did. As I expected he held up the blue pencil first. Then frowned and set it down and picked up a different blue one, then a different one, and then green ones, and some yellow ones, and even some gray ones. After a couple minutes of this he ended up with a pile of various blues, greens, grays and golds.

"All for my eyes?" I asked, settling back in my chair. "Will it even fit?"

"I'll make it fit," he said as he casually started sketching. "I've never seen this before. You've got almost the whole spectum from gold to blue pent up in there." He jabbed toward my eyes with the eraser of his pencil at the last word.

The picture came out beautiful and I never thought about it again.

Yesterday, eight years later, one web link led to another and I ended up on Wikipedia's entry for eye color. My dad has the textbook definition of blue eyes - completely clear, uninterrupted blue eyes. I've always thought mine were blue too - because they sure weren't the gorgeous green of my mom - but they aren't chrystalline like my dad's. Mine have this atypical starburst of yellow around the pupil and a kind of dark stealy blue rim.

But according to this website, the starburst isn't found in blue eyes - only in grey or blue-green eyes. So if one were seeking to classify my eyes like one classifies a rock specimen in geology, I'd be grey - not the blue I always thought.

My encounter with my artist friend came to mind as I read this entry. My eyes aren't blue at all, and never have been - at least not phenotypically.

But honestly? Big deal. I'm not going to go demand my driver's liscense be modified to display my newly discovered eye color, and I'm not going to start correcting my friend who thinks I should wear more blue because I have "blue eyes". But since this blog primarly functions as my journal, I wanted to record this happy finding for myself, so I could remember the day when I became a little more unique...at least on some obscure, genetic level.

(on a side note, while I have a yellow ring around my pupil, my husband has a copper ring - making him not a greeny but a blue-greeny! What fun stuff to pass on to our kids, eh?)

"In Pictures"

My husband is an excellent photographer (not professional, but certainly far excelling the point-n-shoot variety of picture taker - namely me!) so I enjoy wonderfully artistic, well composed photographs of our memories.

I've come to enjoy photography more since I met him. One day while prowling the BBC News webpage for the latest goings-on in the world I came across a section called "In Pictures." If you go to the BBC News Homepage, on the left navigation bar about halfway down, there's a little link for "In Pictures." Click on it and it will take you to the In Pictures homepage, where you can choose from a variety of categories: The Week in pictures, Today in pictures, major news stories in pictures, and other fun vingettes. It's worth taking a look at. Some of the pictures are pretty amazing.

"Don't waste your"... fill in the blank.

I'm just back from another bout with my thyroid disease. Something's gone wrong and I found myself on my back and remembering very little of my weekend. Nothing has changed in my treatment regemine, so the only explaination is that my thyroid has begun to "wind down", thus making my current dose of medicine insufficient. This is a frightening thought, but the only solution at present is to up my medication dosage and keep an eye on me.

This uncertainty and constant battle with the symptoms of my disorder sure do keep me in the boxing ring with sin. I'm tempted to all sorts of things, cheifly fear - fear that I'll never be well. Yet the truth is I won't ever be well. This is a chronic disorder that rarely 'just goes away' (though that has happened). Chances are I won't ever be cured of this - I'll be managing it for the rest of my life.

Dreary, dreary prospect. However, As I've come to realize this won't 'just go away', I've grown in my desire to walk through it in a way that pleases God. And, as always, when that's our desire, God is never far behind with the equipment we need to do it.

Recently a pastor/author named John Piper was diagnosed with prostate cancer. On the eve of his surgery, he wrote a letter to his church which was later turned into an article called "Don't Waste Your Cancer." Later, Dr. David Powlison, the editor of the Journal of Biblical Counseling, recieved the same diagnosis, and the morning after he recieved the news he added his thoughts to Pastor Piper's. You can read their article by going to one of my favorite blogs, GirlTalk, and clicking on the link they have there. The perspectives and cousel of these wise men have been very helpful to me as I walk through my own, less severe ailment.

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:28-31

Carrot Cake

My husband had a really tough 4-day stint at work last week (lots of late nights and early risings), so I threw him a party. We had cookies and mini calzones with dipping sauce and popcorn and blush wine and his favorite cake: carrot cake. He liked the cake best.

Here's the recipe:

CARROT CAKE WITH MAPLE BUTTER FROSTING

OVEN: 350 degrees F

Ingredients: (for cake)
-1 lb carrots, shredded
-1 1/2 cup all purpose flour
-2 teaspoons baking powder
-1/2 teaspoon baking soda
-1 teaspoon salt
-2 teaspoons cinnamon
-4 eggs
-2 Teaspoons vanilla extract
-1 cup dark brown sugar*
-1/2 cup granulated sugar
-1 1/4 cup sunflower oil
-1 cup walnuts, chopped
-1/2 raisins**

*I actually had less brown sugar than I thought and was caught with only 1/2 cup. The cake was still great with half the amount of brown sugar called for. I made no compensatory adjustments to the granulated sugar.
**I used 1 cup of dried currants instead - they disperse the flavor more because they're much smaller than raisins.

Ingredients: (for frosting)
-6 tablespoons unsalted butter (at room temperature)
-3 cupts confectioners (powdered) sugar
-1/4 cup maple syrups

1. Line an 11x8" rectangular cake pan (I used a glass Pyrex pan and it worked fine) with wax paper and grease it. Grate carrots and set aside.

2. Sift flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon into a bowl. Set aside.

3. With an electric mixer, beat the eggs until lended. Add the vanilla, sugars and oil; beat to incorporate. Add teh dry ingredients in 3 batches, folding in well after each addition.

4. Add the carrots, walnuts and raisins. Fold in thoroughly.

5. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake until the cake springs back when touched lightly - 40-45 minutes. (I used the faithful toothpick test as well - I'd reccomend it.) Let stand for 10 minutes, then unmold and transfer to a rack.

6. For the frosting, cream the butter with half the sugar until soft. Add the syrup, then beat in the remaining sugar until blended.

7. Frost the cake when cool.

All from scratch - and a sure-fire way to get some carrots into your family. Mmmm....

You'll never regret it...

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted." --Galatians 6:1

When I was in college I had the privlige of interning at The Smithsonian Institution. One of the projects I helped coordinate was a dance, performed by a Pakistani dance company. The Pakistani Ambassador and his companions had been invited. Three interns (myself included) were helping my supervisor set up. My supervisor told us to label the front row "reserved". So we did.

Later she came running up to me "You didn't mark the seats 'Reserved - Embassy of Pakistan'!" I didn't recall ever having heard her tell us to do that. I did what I could to give a suggestion for fixing the problem, but she just flitted away in a complete panic. I grabbed a sharpie and added the tag "Embassy of Pakistan" on the front row reserved signs.

The performance was flawless and it all when wonderfully, and apparently the group from the Pakistani Embassy found their seats just fine because there was much hugging and schmoozing at the end over our success.

When I told the other two interns about the incident with my supervisor, they both said "Oh yeah, we heard her say you should put 'Embassy of Pakistan' on all the signs." I just stared at them blankly. All I could think was "Why didn't you say something then?"

I often find myself thinking this way about my sin too. I'll fall victim to the consequences of my sinful actions and motivations, and after the fact, when I've confessed my sin to others they'll say something like "I'm so glad you finally noticed - I could see it all along." I have the same thoughts: Why didn't you say something? Why did you just stand, looking on, and keep silent?

Scripture tells us that if we observe another believer in sin, we're supposed to call them out on it gently, with the motivation to keep them from danger. Sin isn't trivial stuff to be dealt lightly with - it's dangerous. I can recall numerous times when my friends and family have lovingly said something like "Do you realize you're going 90 in a 55?" or my husband grabbing my arm and saying "Car!" before I step out into the street or jerking my hand back before I reach for a hot cookie sheet without a pot holder. All these people see me heading for trouble and seek to prevent the harm that will befall me if I proceed.

Why is it so hard for us to do the same thing when we see our friends sinning?

I had my first tea-time with my accountability partner from my caregroup at church. An accountability partner is just that - someone who has committed to holding me accountable to do various things in my life, mainly see and mortify my sin. She's pretty ruthless - and I'd have it no other way. Sin is pretty dicey stuff, and it isn't to be treated lightly. I want someone who isn't going to let me off the hook when it comes to my sin. I left that meeting so thankful for the protection God has given me in the Church. I'm coming to realize how badly I need other people speaking into my life. I can't trust my own heart - scripture says "the heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately sick." (Jer 17:9) I can't discern my own heart. I need other people to look on and point out what I can't see - because there is stuff I can't see. I'm in a car full of blindspots with mirrors in which things "may be closer than they appear". Isn't it helpful when we're trying meneuver our cars into or out of tight spaces to have someone on the outside waving their hands this way and that, guiding us through those precarious quarters, or even sometimes screaming out "STOP!" How much trouble does this save us? Lots. (And to all those good drivers out there - I beg you, don't be cocky. You may drive a physical car well, but NO ONE drives the car of their life well without help.)

If the other interns there that night had just gently said to me "Did you hear your supervisor say we're supposed to add "Embassy of Pakistan" on these signs? I thought I did." I probably wouldn't have liked to hear it. But I would have been made suspicious of my memory and would have double checked with my supervisor. Accountability does the same thing: we'll never like hearing someone tell us where we're sinning. We want to believe we're right. We want to think we can keep watch over our hearts all alone. But we've got to be humble and be suspicious of our hearts when we hear people observe sin in our lives - and then go back to the ultimate authority of Scripture and double check what they're saying. But let me prepare you - usually they're right, and we're left having to find a sharpie and fix some sin. Bet let me tell you, I've never regretted avoiding the consequences of sin. I've always regretted not being at least suspicious of my heart and checking my friend's suggestions against scripture.

So we've got two questions now:

1. What keeps you from calling your saved loved one's to task on their sin? (fear of their reaction? lack of real concern over the consequences they'll suffer? lack of committment to rooting out sin - yours or otherwise? laziness in being vigilant, or in studying to know what exactly sin is?)
2. What keeps you from being suspicious of your own heart and at least considering their suggestions? (fear of being thought ungodly? being more concerned over controlling your own life than pleasing God? pride in honestly believing you're 'doing alright'? fear that you won't really be able to change?)

I'd urge you to consider this. God has given us a huge vehicle of protection in the observations and suggestions of others. Humble yourself and consider them. Always presume you could be wrong - and then if you are, admit it to God and ask for help to start changing. You'll never regret it.

Bandana

I went out hiking Saturday with a friend from my bible study. It was a very nice day! (nice enough to get a little sunburn!) I stuck a very sentimental bandana in my pocket before setting out, with the intent to use it to tie my hair back.

Well, I never did, and half way through the trail I realized the bandana was no longer in my pocket. I'd dropped it somewhere.

I was standing on a tall rock, and I looked back down the trail in the direction I'd come. My friend very graciously said she wouldn't mind if we went back to look for it. I thought for a second, and then I felt God speak to my heart.

"You can't bring it with you."

I smiled. "No," I said to my friend. "My treasure's in heaven." And we went on with our hike.

You can't bring it with you. That banadan can't follow me into heaven, no matter how special it is in this earthly life. Nothing can. That's why God encourages us to always focus on things that have an eternal value, not things that will ultimately pass away - like sentimental bandanas. When I dropped that bandana, I was handed a golden opportunity to severe one more chain that was binding my heart to temporal things. Was I willing to let it go? By God's grace, yes I was.

When we moved into our apartment, I remember telling one of the people helping us "If something goes smash, just ask yourself if the Gospel is still saving souls. If the answer's "yes", then our redeemer lives - and that's just a plate."

I house sat for a professor a number of years back and during my first briefing she said "I usually leave the sliding glass door open for the cats." I asked her if she feared robbers and she said shrugged and said "it's just stuff." What a great perspective.

People can rob us, we can lose stuff or even break it - but our salvation can never be taken from us.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. " --Romans 8:35, 37-39

The Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord - that's the gospel. Once attained, nothing can take our salvation from us. Christ has seccured it eternally. Lost bandana? That's not a problem - hell was a problem, but a problem long ago taken care of.

Flapjack Bars & Nut Butter Spreads

I found two more awesome recipes that I want to share with you all. They're really versitile, and really easy, and really healthy.

FLAPJACK BARS
I've made these every sunday for about a month and my husband LOVES them. We eat them as part of breakfast every morning.

OVEN: 400 degrees

F Ingredients:
- approximately* 1/2 cup applesauce
- 1/2 cup dried fruit, nuts or seeds variety #1**
- 3/4 cup dried fruit, nuts or seeds variety #2**
- 1/4 cup raw (demerara) sugar (I suspect you could substitute honey or regular sugar)
- 1/2 cup sunflower seeds
- 2 tablespoons sesame seeds
- 1/4 cup pumpkin seeds
- scant 1 cup rolled oats
- 2/3 cup whole-wheat flour
- 2/3 cup shredded coconut
- 1/4 cup golden flax seeds
- 2 eggs
- optional: handful of mini chocolate chips

*depending on how soft you like the bars to be, adjust the amount of applesauce
**use whatever you like best for these two ingredients. My favorite yet has been dried blueberries and pistachio nuts.

1. Grease a baking vesicle (I use a glass pyrex, but tin or stone would work) and line with parchment paper, leaving long ends hanging over the sides of the pan.

2. Put the apple sauce in a large bowl with variety #1, variety #2, sugar, sunflower, sesame and pumpkin seeds (and chocolate chips if using). Stir until well combined.

3. Add the oats, flour, coconut and eggs. Stir until well combined.

4. Turn the mixture into the baking pan and spread to the edges in an even layer. Bake for about 25 minutes or until golden and just firm to the touch. (Note: I cover my pan completely with tin foil while baking. This prevents most black, crispy edges. You have to allow maybe 7-10 minutes more for the bake time when doing this.)

5. Leave to cool in the pan. When cool, lift the granola block out using the paper edges. Allow to cool a little more, then cut into bars. Cool completely before covering.

NUT BUTTER SPREADS
There are a variety of other nut butters besides Peanut, though that's certainly the cheapest and in my opinion, the yummiest. However, I've made this with cashew butter and it was a hit with the hubby.

Ingredients:
- Nut butter (Peanut butter, cashew butter, almond butter, etc.)
- 1 grated carrot
- seeds (sunflower, pumpkin, golden flax, etc.)
- dried currants

1. If neccesary, warm the nut butter in the microwave for 10-20 seconds, until soft, but not melty.

2. Stir in prefered amounts of ingredients.

3. Spread on toast or crackers!

Don't feel chained to either of these ingredient lists. I'm coming to find that these really are shell recipes and they can be tweeked to meet the taste of the eater. Have fun with it!

A note on the ingredients - looking at them, these may seem like really expensive dishes. Here's my trick: shop bulk. Whole Foods has a great bulk food section. The food is kept in gravity bins and you open the spicket and allow only the amount you need to fall into your bag. I take a measuring cup and buy only the amount I need - yep, you can buy these ingredients 2 tablespoons at a time! When you only pay for what you need, you pay alot less. If, however, you fall in love with these recipes like my family did, it may be cheaper to just get bigger quantities and store them at home for use every week.

An Update

Well, back in January I posted my New Years Goals. I think it's about time to evaluate. Spring is here, after all (...meteorologically, at least...) My goals were as follows:

1. Love my savior more / hate my sin more
2. Purpose to cultivate the gentle, quiet spirit
3. Focus on building relationships
4. Be more purposeful in sharing the gospel
5. Purpose to make sure my husband knows he's the most specialest guy in the world!
6. Read more
7. Plan my children's school cirriculum

So, how'm I doin?

Love my savior more/hate my sin more - This will come naturally to any Christian truly persuing God. God's been teaching me so much about how sinful I really am, and that makes me love my savior all the more. I think there's steady growth in this area - but yet Iknow it's something I'll be growing in my whole life. I haven't delved into a deep study of God's holiness like I'd wanted too, but that will come when there's more money in the budget for books.

Purpose to cultivate the gentle, quiet spirit - DEFINITELY not there yet. But God's removing the obstacles of sin (vanity's the project of the moment) that keep me from this quality of character that is very precious to him. Gotta get through those first.

Focus on building relationships - I'm whittling away at this one too. I can name at least one good, good friendship that's been well restored. It's just a question of being more purposeful with my time apart from Stephan. Gotta work on phone calls to out-of-state friends and family, but progress is being made.

Be more purposeful in sharing the Gospel - I haven't had an opening yet this year to share the greatest news ever with a non-believer, but I have been praying daily for the people I want to see come to Christ, and for opportunities to share with them and others. That's a start until God opens other doors.

Purpose to make sure my husband knows he's the most specialest guy in the world - I've been doing more little things (like notes in his lunch and reading to him more often), but I'll have to ask him if he feels specialer. More as it developes.

Read more - this one's nailed. Since I've started getting up earlier to have my quiet time, my morning AND evening bus trips are free for pleasure reading. I'm also reading to Stephan more, and reading in my pockets of free time. I'll have torn through all 7 of the Chronicles of Narnia in about one calendar month. I've never read 7 books in one month before.

Plan my children's school cirriculum - I'm making notes of books that I want to encorporate into their education, as well as gleaning every idea I can from people like my mother-in-law (who's a teacher). I hope to pick my sister-in-law's brain when she's in town next weekend also (she's also a teacher) and that of my cousin ('nother teacher). My mother-in-law also bought me a book - first in a series - called "Everything your kindergartener needs to know". That'll help me begin getting a skeleton together.

Well, that's not too bad for 2 months into the year. But I can't take the credit:

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!" --Psalm 115:1

Prana

Last night was a great night. It kicked off with the humbling priviledge of serving some very devoted, hard-working friends of ours (both students) by preparing and taking them dinner. We got to talk, pray, and learn from them, and they were faithful to encourage us. (thanks - you know who you are =) While with these two, they mentioned they'd recieved their REI dividend, which is REI store credit - kind of kickback for faithful shoppers. We hadn't recieved ours in the mail yet.

This on our minds, we left and made our way toward Barnes and Nobel to get Stephan an new journal to take church notes in. We passed REI on the way and Stephan said we should pop in and check on our dividend. The sales person checked said our dividend was in the system and we could spend it whenever we wanted.

"Wanna just look around?" Stephan asked.

"Sure," I said.

The truth was, I had no hope for finding anything. I'd been on a modest spring/summer clothes hunt for weeks and was still empty-handed. So many shopping trips I'd gone on had yeilded nothing. I didn't have any expectations for this jaunt through the store.

So we sauntered through the women's section first. To my surprise, I actually had a handfull of hangers within a few minutes and went to the dressing room to try the items on. Everything fit well except one thing - and Stephan loved it all.

Let me just say, this is news. As catalogued in an earlier post, when I shop at the mall, neither Stephan or I ever really love the clothes they have there. We usually end up buying "settle-fors", because we settle for the best we can find. It fits pretty well. The color is kinda nice. The fabric is almost comfy. The cut could be made modest. Stephan or I think it looks ok on the other. But this time we had a pile of items, they all looked great, they were all perfect colors, and were all very modest. Beyond that, They were clothes that I felt expressed me and told a little bit about who I am - which I never find. I felt like crying.

We moved on to the men's section next. Stephan needed pants, so that's what he shopped for. He ended up in the dressing room with a pile of items as well. Here we experienced the same thing - all great colors, all great fit, all very comfy - and we both loved them.

So now we've got a bag full of clothes and we're positive the talley is going to exceed our dividend. We added it up and sure enough, the total did - but only by about $30. Stephan decided that that was a reasonable amount to spend out of pocket. So we went to the cashregister to check out.

I made a phone call while Stephan paid the bill. When I returned he was grinning. When I asked why, he reported that the amount we had to pay out-of-pocket was only $1.06 instead of $30. Apparently some of the items we'd selected were even less than the price tag read, so that had brought the total down to just about the sum of our dividend.

We got in the car and prayed, thanking God for his kindness. I personally had been so discouraged after my trip to the mall Saturday. It seemed like every time I went out to shop I left with nothing. But here we'd gotten so many items, and basically for free. God had something better for me - he is so kind.

I was so excited in the car I couldn't help looking through the clothes we'd bought. As I did I noticed something.

"Hey Habi," I said to Stephan. "We bought 8 items, and all but one are Prana." He said I had to be kidding, but I wasn't. Prana is a relatively new company, only a couple years old, and only just now starting to really get established. We hadn't paid it much mind. Even though we had a few Prana pieces already and loved them, we hadn't been shopping for Prana clothes. Yet everything we'd chosen on the basis of style and design had turned out to be Prana. It made sense - they're a rockclimbing company, and these two climbers had been drawn like magnets.

We decided we'd shop Prana first from now on.

Here's the prana stuff I got:

(But I got this top in brown, not wine colored ^)

And here's the lone Columbia item:

(But this skirt is a more fatigue green, not such a true khaki ^)

"O death, where is your victory?"

"When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

"Death is swallowed up in victory."
"O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." --1 Corinthians 15:54-58

This nearly brought me to tears in my quiet time Wednesday morning. I was reminded of Phillippians 3:20-21, which reads: "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." How exciting!

Earlier in 1 Corinthians Paul makes this remark: "If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied." (1 Cor 15:19) He's saying that if we have hope of nothing beyond death, we were fools to have put our hope in Christ and should be pitied as such. But Paul's next breath is "But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead[.]" (1 Cor 15-20a) We aren't fools because the gospel is true! And because of the gospel our citizenship has been transfered to our new home - heaven, and from there we eagerly await our savior. The sting of death is soothed. The power of sin is broken. And thanks be to God indeed - who gave us this victory through Jesus!

Are you discouraged? Are you weary from the constant battle with your flesh? Dwell on this passage, and when you've let the truth of the gospel rekindle your love for God, read the last sentence: "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." God is not a cruel task master. He will not send us task after task to labor at in vain. There is fruit growing because of this work, and there is a crown waiting in paradise, your home - the very kingdom which you have the priviledge to helping to build to God's glory!

The Psalmist expresses my heart: "My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning." (Psalm 130:6) I no longer wait for the Lord in fearful anxiety, aware of my guilt and unable to save myself, knowing the wrath to come. I wait like a watchman for the morning, with excited anticipation and sheer joy, knowing that my long watch is nearly over, the constant struggle with sin in the dangerous night is nearly done, and my savior is coming to take me away from the land in which I'm an alien to the country of my citizenship! My heart could burst with joy at the thought. Oh death, where is your victory? In christ we no longer have to fear it - it is a vanquished foe, a defanged serpent, a spent wasp. Jesus, haste your return!

The Accomplisher

"I'll pray for you." It's become such a worn out phrase among christians - do we even really mean it when we say it anymore, or is it just the right thing to say?

With as much as we say it you'd think we'd be able to easily keep Paul's charge to the Thessalonian church: "Pray without ceasing." (1 Thessalonians 5:17) Yet people can go whole days without acknowledging God. I sure can. Why? My problem is that I think there are some things I can do on my own.

Scripture is clear that we can do nothing without God. If we want to see a purpose accomplished, we have to appeal to God, the one and only Accomplisher.

So what purpose do you want to see accomplished? Is there an unsaved friend or family member in your life? Better get on your face before the Lord and beseech him to save them - you can't do it. Is a loved one ailing from a disease or accident? On your knees friend - you can't help them. Is there a prevailing sin in your life that you just can't seem to mortify? Lift your face to God and plead for grace - you can't fix yourself. Do you have a trip to the grocery store to make this weekend? Absurd though it may sound, petition the Lord for help on the ride there - no shopping trip is completed unless he enables it. Want a Coke from the vending machine? You guessed it - you can't rise from your chair of your own power.

Likewise, what purposes have been accomplished? Don't be decieved - you didn't work change all alone. Is your savings account growing? You didn't produce that money, it was a gift from God. Did you recently throw off a cold? That was not your doing. Does your heart continue to beat? It wouldn't unless God sustained it's function. Are you sitting perfectly still but for the click that scrolls this window? Friend, if so much as one atom in your being failed to hold together, there would be a mushroom cloud overtop your computer. No purpose is accomplished without God's sustaining hand on it. Every accomplished purpose can be traced back to God's enabling involvment.

With this perspective, is there any new ferver with which to approach prayer? I should hope so. Prayer is a very precious gift! We can petition the only true Accomplisher with our requests, and he is pleased to hear them. What's more, because of the Gospel, we as sinful creatures can approach a holy God as a father and ask him to move in our lives. What a privilege. Do we humbly respond to this precious opportunity or do we pridefully neglect it, thinking that there are some things we just don't need to bother asking God's blessing on?

"Pray without ceasing." A tall order. Is there even enough things in life to pray for that would keep us praying continually? I don't think any of us would dispute that there are indeed plenty of things. (But if you need help, see the list of ideas at the bottom of this post.) Our potential prayer lists are extensive. Some items are transitory. Some are less urgent than others. Some will be answered and our prayers will be modified because of new circumstances.

How does one organize it all? I've really been convicted about this lately, and have come up with
a plan to be more diligent in prayer. I have 3 main tools:

1. A prayer schedule
2. A prayer list
3. A supplemental prayer list

The prayer schedule is just what it says: a schedule. Here's two days from my schedule:

Monday: Stephan, Me, mom, mother-in-law, couple #1 from bible study, my coworkers, my church, my pastor, the people I want to see saved, guidance for my nuclear family.

Tuesday: Stephan, Me, dad, father-in-law, couple #2 from bible study, my coworkers, my church, my pastor, the people I want to see saved, guidance for my nuclear family.

This divides up the long list of family members and friends, as well as other things I want to pray for regularly, into digestable bits. Now, instead of looking at an overwhelming list and saying "ug, this list is just too long... I'll leave it for the weekend," I'm praying regularly for my family and friends throughout the week.

The prayer list is childsplay. Mine is a journal. At the top of each page I have a name, and under that name I keep a list of prayer requests - quick bullets of all the things I want to pray for for that person. So when I see "Stephan" on my prayer schedule, I flip to Stephan's page and pray through his requests, then flip to my "Me" page and pray for those bullets, and so on for everything on that day's schedule. This way I'm praying specifically for people instead of just "God bless my brother, amen." This is invaluable when I've told someone I will pray for them - because if it's on the list I'll remember it. It will also help me to remember to follow up with them and ask how that area is coming along, and even draw their attention to their faithful God when that prayer is answered. On the very last page I also have listed the people I want to see come to Christ.

The supplemental prayer list isn't so structured. It's basically a piece of paper I keep in my pocket. When I walk to the bathroom, take a package to another office at work, start a load of laundry or wait at a stoplight I can glance at it and send up a quick prayer for just one bullet on that list. I have a friend who's mom has cancer - she's on there. There was a mudslide in the Phillippines a couple weeks ago - it's on there. The abortion debate is on there, as well as the war in Iraq. The persecuted church is on there too. One of my pastor's is in India - he's on there. Whenever I have a pocket of time in my day where my mind is idle, I pick a bullet and pray about that issue. It doesn't take long. Sometimes just a couple seconds - but that's better than never praying for these things at all. And, instead of letting my mind wander, I'm focusing my free time on God.

There are two other things I would advocate to make prayer a greater priority in your life: the first is have a regular quiet time. My husband and I get up in enough time to read the bible and pray while we eat breakfast every morning (yes, even on weekends). I don't mean to say it's easy, but If I didn't fiercely guard this time, I wouldn't pray. It's gotta be a priority. Second, is ask people how you can be praying for them. I have friends who, when I ask this, will rattle off 5 or 6 things, then check themselves and say 'well, I guess that's enough - sorry there's so many!' I always say to them "look, if I have things to pray for, I pray more!" Encourage people fill up their page in your prayer journal! That's just more time you spend with your heavenly father - and scripture is clear that God loves to answer our prayers. Everyone wins when we pray.

Prayer is an expression of dependence on God. It keeps us humble when we acknowledge that we can't brush our teeth without him, the only true and able Accomplisher. The more we pray, the more we'll realize this - and that will cultivate humility in our hearts. Let's not forget the timeless, sweet, sweet promise of James 4:6 - "...God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

So let me encourage you to start wearing some holes in your knees of your jeans and make prayer a priority.

Some ideas to generate a prayer list:

• unsaved people we want to see put faith in Christ
• ourselves
• immediate family
• extended family
• friends
• the outcome of trials (in our lives or the lives of others)
• wisdom and endurance through trials (in our lives or the lives of others)
• blessings on marriage (ours and others, where applicable)
• blessings on the maturation of the children (ours and others')
• wisdom for parents (ourselves and others, where applicable)
• a strong finish for the ederly we know
• guidance and growth for our church, to God's glory
• wisdom and discernment for our pastors and church staff
• blessings on our church's ministries
• overcoming our sin (or others overcoming theirs)
• guidance in current areas of uncertainty or discision making
• Persecuted christians around the world
• Major political issues (i.e. the war in Iraq, abortion)
• The leadership of our country
• Major headlines (i.e. Avian Flu, natural disasters)
• GIVE THANKS! Let's be careful not to only appeal to God when we want something.
  

My style

Sometime when I was little I got this idea in my head that I didn't have a personal "style". So sometime in my early teen years I started a quest to find my own personal style.

The darn thing was elusive. So I just kept going back to the stuff I could wear out in the woods while I continued The Hunt.

The Hunt continued Saturday when I went shopping with a friend. She was helping me look for stuff, and she asked "what's your style?"

"If I can't wear it in the woods I don't want it," I answered.

"No," she said, seeking clarification. "Like what type of look do you go for?"

"I gotta be able to walk up to a campfire and be taken seriously." I said.

"What? Well, you could be taken seriously at a campfire in blue. Why not try blue?"

Well, I tried blue - and put it all back. None of the blue at the mall screams "hippie!"

It was an arduous shopping trip and I ended up buying only one thing: a flowing, brown skirt with a simple ruffle at the bottom. I wore it to work yesterday and a good friend of mine paid me the compliment of my life.

"You look nice today," he said "...in a gypsy sorta way."

I cheered right there in the hallway.

I finally got wise a couple years ago and realized that all that stuff I wore in the woods was my personal style. I'd been trying to squeeze my square peg into the round holes of trends and it just wasn't going.

So I've finally given up and stayed in the woods. I blew the rest of my unpsent shopping money on a high-end piece of technical outdoor clothing. Oh well. Some causes are hopeless. =)

Vanity

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.” --Lizzie, Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice

Ah, vanity...I don't think any woman is beyond this struggle. I've become increasingly aware of how much I think about how I look - and when I think about how I look, I form opinions of how I look, and when I form opinions, those opinions influence how I act, and when that opinion is not informed by truth, I act sinfully. Paul states my sentiments well in his letter to the Romans:

"But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death." --Romans 6:21

Yep - the end of those things are indeed death, as is the end of all sin. But because of the Gospel I am ashamed of my sinful actions and my end is not death. But sin still bears bad fruit - vanity still bears bad fruit. Above are the famous words of Lizzie, one of my favorite literature divas, from Jane Austen's novel Pride and Prejudice. "Vanity [relates] to what we would have others think of us." Isn't that what's at the heart of preoccupation with how I look? And isn't the heart of concern over what others think of us wanting to bring glory to myself instead of God? This is pretty serious - I'm vying with God to take his glory - I'm basically trying to sit in his throne. I'm nothing less than a usurper.

But God was so kind to me on Saturday. I couldn't have asked for more of his kindness in action (well, he showed more on the Cross, and did that even without my asking.) First a good friend of mine came over for a workout and lunch. Over lunch we talked about vanity. Through her counsel I came to see my heart more clearly. One of the things I realized that I'd never seen before was how I compare myself to other women. I judge my appearence by the appearence of others - never mind what my husband says, never mind what scripture says. I'm using the wrong standard of measure. My focus as a child of God should be on what he says - that should be my standard of measure. Here's what God says:

"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." --1 Peter 3:4

I believe we could add to "external adorning" the shape or stregnth of our bodies. Scripture is clear that god has had full control over every detail of our form and figure from eternity past. Our focus shouldn't be on adorning the outward, physical person with material finery, but the "hidden person of the heart" with a "gentle quiet spirit".

Now listen closely here, ladies. Listen to the commentary on that attribute, the gentle and quiet spirit: "...which in God's sight is very precious." Here is gold, my friends. Not just precious - very precious. How many of us take up the quest for physical beauty, a persuit which is in every way discouraged by God, and snub attaining that which is precious to him? What more could a saved heart want than to lay at the feet of her heavenly father that which he considers very precious? Especially after having been saved from the terrible peril of hell by Christ's death on the cross.

I was immediately confronted with an opportunity to put this into practice later saturday evening. I went shopping with another good friend - a very pretty friend. While running back and forth between dressing rooms to get each other's oppinion on clothes, I slipped into complaining. "I sure wish I looked like her..." I thought. I made a few comments to this effect, and she said "well, Kari, the grass is always greener, isn't it?" SNAP - I realized she was right. "Wow, listen to my discontent!" I wailed. "Can we stop and pray?" I asked. And she joyfully agreed and prayed for me (yes, right there in the dressing room!), that I would be content with myself and desire to be beautiful at heart instead of beautiful in body. What a treasure. What an adjustment. What kindness of God to not only show me my sin but provide me with a friend to pray for me on the spot.

So what's the verdict ladies? What are we after? One of my New Year's goals was to pursue the Gentle and Quiet Spirit. I have alot to learn and alot of growing to do, but I learn every day how badly I need to seek that which is very precious to God - because if I'm not actively seeking it, my sin is going to well up and fill my vision, and before I know it I'll be after the throne again.

My thanks to both my friends, who far surpass me in the gentle and quiet spirit - I have much to learn from you!

"The simplicity, yet power of the Gospel."

I've talked to many people who, when you ask them what they think the crux of Christianity is, will say it's "doing good" or "keeping the rules" or "going to church every Sunday". My heart breaks at these misconceptions. That's not the point at all.

I read a letter a good, good friend of mine wrote lately to a couple who had really impacted her life. This letter simply expressed her heart to these people with the aim to encourage and thank them for their example. Below are a few exerpts from the letter. Some might read this and say my friend has a heart of gold - but the truth is, she's got a heart of gold in the process of being purified. She knows she's a sinner, but she knows she has a savior - and when that savior has finished with her, she will be like pure gold. Scripture promises this. I love her well-worded expression of how she came to a deeper realization, with this couple's help, that we have only one desperate need: we need a savior. The gospel gives us that. That's the bottom line of Christianity.

Listen to her heart:

"... It's so easy...to get wrapped up in the business of life, seeking to pursue ambition and be successful. It's also easy with the resources that we have to get caught up in the study of theology. While I think that is a great thing, I just love how all that matters and the most important thing [to you] is the Gospel. ... Seeing the visual idols and temples...really helped me to see that the idols in my life, though not tangible or substantial, are still sin in God's eyes. Just because they're not crafted by my hands doesn't mean that it's any less of an insult and expression of hatred towards God. ...He showed me that I'm just as desperate and in need of the Gospel as those who are worshipping at [the] temples. ... It's just as huge a battle over here as it [there]…sin is sin, regardless of the situations we're in. Different circumstances bring different trials and temptations, but all of it needs to be laid down at the foot of the cross, allowing us to die to our sin, and seeking to live to glorify Christ alone. ...What He revealed to me...was the simplicity, yet power of the Gospel."

I hope I can come to such a strong conviction as my friend has. "The rules" are in place for our benefit, but when all is said and done, our only lasting choice will be the one we made for or against the gospel. It is simple yet powerful.

Thank you friend, for being such an example of living a gospel-focused life. I have much to learn from you!

Click here to see what's so precious about the Gospel. It's the biggest favor you could do yourself.

Modest Clothing Links

I'm going out with a girlfriend this weekend to try and find modest clothes. Shopping is so hard these days. The world has never really let go of the 'belly shirt' mentality.

But the 'really long shirt' has finally come into style!!! So in elation (and urgent panic) we're going out on Saturday to buy up the trend before it blows over. I was doing a little prep research online and made a startling but pleasing discovery. There IS a holdout of modest women in the world! Check out this list of modest clothing links:

www.c28.com (<-- this'll be my brother's favorite =) He loves this kind of stuff!)

www.onthehipclothing.com

www.coverwear.com

www.divinnemodestee.com

www.downeastbasics.com (<-- cheapest of the bunch)

www.impelclothing.com

www.modbeclothing.com (<-- has really cute, trendy, modest swimwear!)

www.shadeclothing.com

www.themodbod.com

Tires

I used to have a TV in my bedroom while I was in college. I loved the Discovery Health Channel. One night they were carrying a program discussing the differences in men and women. So they were interviewing men and women.

As was usually the case with me, when I had the TV on, I'm not really watching it. I had it on for noise (silence is way too loud). On this occasion, between research papers, I was absentmindedly clipping my toenails. They flew all over the carpet with every snip. My logic was "well, I'm gonna vaccuum anyway..."

The dialogue on the program went like this:

women: "Guys are never thoughtful when they buy a girl a present."
men: "Thoughtful? They want thoughtful? Chicks want impractical - that's what those women want. If I were to buy a girl new tires because her treads were completely gone, she'd sneer at it. If I brought her flowers (no matter how often I brougt flowers before), she'd swoon."

clip clip... "I'd want tires..." I thought to myself. clip clip clip...

men: "Women don't understand sports. They can't see how we're all happy to just sit around with a beer in hand and nachos on the table and watch a football game. There's no equivalent in the female world for Monday night football."
women: "What? Yes there is - shopping! But shopping yeilds something productive. You come home with things you need - you don't just spend hours sitting on a couch getting fatter and fatter."

clip... "I don't like shopping..." I thought to myself. clip clip...

woman: "Oh, and another thing, guys have such bad personal hygine! They can go a whole day without showering and not feel gross! And when they clip their toenails they just let them fly all over the place!"
men: "What? We're just gonna vaccuum."

I froze and rolled my eyes around, searching the room. "Alright, where's the darn camera?..." I thought.

Preparing for Battle

I have a great devotional book called Morning and Evening. It's just a skinny page's worth of writing by a phenomenal pastor named Charles Spurgeon. In this morning's devotional Spurgeon wrote this:

"We might learn from our enemies if we would, and so make the Philistines sharpen our weapons."

It made me think of all the verses in scripture that tell us we're made better and more Christ-like through trials. If the enemy (the "Philistines") is out to harm me, I have two options on how to handle that trial: I can let it disarm me by choosing sinful responses, or I can let it "sharpen my weapons" by choosing godly responses. I think we'd all agree that it's a lot harder to be loving when someone's spiting us. But just as we become physically stronger by lifting heavier weights or running longer distances, we become spiritually stronger by facing greater trials.

I've got a rough week ahead of me. I can already foresee a lot of trails. Big ones. So I've got a choice to make. Am I going to let these attacks fall upon me and break me down, or am I going to grab hold of them and milk them for every bit of spiritual growth and maturity I can squeeze out of them?

Sounds so simple...

Every time I don't give into sin (by God's grace), it's a battle won. When I woke up this morning and felt despair, but recited scripture to myself, that practice driving my dagger home. When I humbly asked my husband a question instead of pre-judging his heart, that was an arrow hitting it's mark. When I felt lonely and self-pitying after I got to work but whistled a worship chorus to switch my focus from self to God, it was honing my aim.

But every time I go to bed angry at my husband, it's a chip in my blade. Every time I get irritated with a coworker, it's a fray in my bowstring. Every time I think myself better than soneone else, it's rust on my spearhead. My weapons against sin are weakened every time I refuse to use them.

I've also got maintenance work to do on these weapons of mine when I'm not using them. Every scripture I memorize is a whetstone against my dagger. Every prayer of dependence I pray to strengthen my heart is a straight, true arrow added to my quiver. Every week where I have consistent quiet times is a keener eye. Every time I meet a girlfriend for accountability is a lighter foot and a quicker hand. If I lack diligence in any of these practices, my skills and weapons will deteriorate, and when the time for battle comes, I won't be ready.

Well, I know this week is going to be a battle, and even maintained weapons are no good if I don't use them. I hope I can choose God over sin and win some skirmishes this week... and become spiritually stronger and more Christ-like in the process.

Sin.

I was reminded today of the fact that whenever I see atrocities committed in the world, whenever I'm shocked at the malice and hatred poured out by others, whenever I'm furious over the pure spite of humans - I need to remember that apart from grace, that so easily could be my sin.

I shouldn't react in judgement or even anger toward those who commit grievous sins, because it's nothing of myself stopping me from doing the exact same things - it's the grace of God. To think that I have a better moral fortitude than they is folly. I just have the Gospel. My reaction should be heartbreak, not judgment.

Next time I'm offended or hurt or wronged, I hope I can remember "Apart from grace, that could have been my sin."

Honor

I love the Chronicles of Narnia. (...have I mentioned this before?) I really do. I'm rereading them at present, and I'm remembering all my old childhood dreams, fantasies...and even crushes.

Yes, crushes. When I was a young child I had a terrible crush on Prince Caspian. He was all the more dashing in Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and I was awfully upset when he snagged a wife by the end of the book. My only concelation was that the discription of this wife (if one imagined hard enough) could be said to match mine. But I'm old and married now, and when I read the books after having met my husband, his face had replaced Caspian's. Sigh...

Sappy, I know. Besides the charming prince Caspian, there's another character in The Chronicles who is undisputably one of the most endearing: Reepicheep the Mouse. He has one motivation: to advance his and his company's honor. In Voyage of the Dawn Treader, we hear this outcry when the party considers leaving a nearby island unexplored.

"Do we go into this?" asked Caspian at length.

"Not by my advice," said Drinian.

"The Captain's right," said several sailors.

"I almost think he is," said Edmund.

Lucy and Eustace didn't speak but they felt very glad inside at the turn things seemed to be taking. But all at once the clear voice of Reepicheep broke in upon the silence.

"And why not?" he said. "Will someone explain to me why not."

No one was anxious to explain, so Reepicheep continued: "If I were addressing peasants or slaves," he said, "I might suppose this suggestion proceeded from cowardice. But I hope that it will never be told in Narnia that a company of noble and royal persons in the flower of their age turned tail because they were afraid of the dark."

"But what manner of use would it be plowing through that blackness?" asked Drinian.

"Use?" replied Reepicheep. "Use, Captain? If by use you mean filling our bellies or our purses, I confess it will be no use at all. So far as I know we did not set sail to look for things useful, but seek honor and adventure. And here is as great an adventure as I ever heard of, and here, if we turn back, no little impeachment of all our honors."

He's as valiant and as might as a 2 foot creature can be - a wonder I ever fell for the prince over this fellow.

This isn't his only outcry against dishonor. He's ready to fight a dual at any second to preserve his honor (or that of a lady). He jumps overboard at one point when a merman brandishes a spear at him, taking it as a direct challenge to his honor. He's the first to eat suspect enchanted food because not to would be against his honor. In the book Prince Caspian, Reepicheep fights valiantly in a battle to regain Caspian's kingship over Narnia, and ends up having his tail sliced off. When he's brought before Aslan, he explains that a mouse's honor is his tail. Aslan then asks a very poiniant question:

"I wonder, little one, if you do not think too greatly of your honor."

Boy can I relate. How many times do I find myself becoming overconsumed with my honor? How often do I take action to defend my honor in the eyes of others? How often is my motivation to advance my honor? The bible would call this something else: pride.

What would scripture say about that? "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." --Phil 2:3-4

We're not called to have a self focus. We're called to have an others focus. So when I'm challenged or wronged, my motivation should never be to see that I'm "never treated this way again". I should never approach a situation with the motivation of "getting what I deserve". I should rest in knowing that God sees that I've been wronged. But that wrong against me has brought me no dishonor before God, unless I respond in a dishonorable way. If I say in my heart "I must defend my honor", and respond to the wrong-doer with an intent to put them in their place, then I've dishonored myself.

We're called to treat all people with the same love that God shows us - but not because we deserve to be treated well. The gospel is clear about what we deserve - the wrath of a holy God against our sin. That's what we deserve. We deserve far worse treatment than we recieve from even our worst enemies. We're called to treat all people with the same love God shows us - but that doesn't mean everyone will do it all the time. So when they don't, are we excused from showing them God's love? Nope. We're called to treat all people with the same love God does because those actiong bring glory to God. Were called to be concerned about God's glory, not ours.

Endearing though the little guy is, I don't think Reepicheep ever learned this lesson. But I sure hope I can.