Vanity

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.” --Lizzie, Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice

Ah, vanity...I don't think any woman is beyond this struggle. I've become increasingly aware of how much I think about how I look - and when I think about how I look, I form opinions of how I look, and when I form opinions, those opinions influence how I act, and when that opinion is not informed by truth, I act sinfully. Paul states my sentiments well in his letter to the Romans:

"But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death." --Romans 6:21

Yep - the end of those things are indeed death, as is the end of all sin. But because of the Gospel I am ashamed of my sinful actions and my end is not death. But sin still bears bad fruit - vanity still bears bad fruit. Above are the famous words of Lizzie, one of my favorite literature divas, from Jane Austen's novel Pride and Prejudice. "Vanity [relates] to what we would have others think of us." Isn't that what's at the heart of preoccupation with how I look? And isn't the heart of concern over what others think of us wanting to bring glory to myself instead of God? This is pretty serious - I'm vying with God to take his glory - I'm basically trying to sit in his throne. I'm nothing less than a usurper.

But God was so kind to me on Saturday. I couldn't have asked for more of his kindness in action (well, he showed more on the Cross, and did that even without my asking.) First a good friend of mine came over for a workout and lunch. Over lunch we talked about vanity. Through her counsel I came to see my heart more clearly. One of the things I realized that I'd never seen before was how I compare myself to other women. I judge my appearence by the appearence of others - never mind what my husband says, never mind what scripture says. I'm using the wrong standard of measure. My focus as a child of God should be on what he says - that should be my standard of measure. Here's what God says:

"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." --1 Peter 3:4

I believe we could add to "external adorning" the shape or stregnth of our bodies. Scripture is clear that god has had full control over every detail of our form and figure from eternity past. Our focus shouldn't be on adorning the outward, physical person with material finery, but the "hidden person of the heart" with a "gentle quiet spirit".

Now listen closely here, ladies. Listen to the commentary on that attribute, the gentle and quiet spirit: "...which in God's sight is very precious." Here is gold, my friends. Not just precious - very precious. How many of us take up the quest for physical beauty, a persuit which is in every way discouraged by God, and snub attaining that which is precious to him? What more could a saved heart want than to lay at the feet of her heavenly father that which he considers very precious? Especially after having been saved from the terrible peril of hell by Christ's death on the cross.

I was immediately confronted with an opportunity to put this into practice later saturday evening. I went shopping with another good friend - a very pretty friend. While running back and forth between dressing rooms to get each other's oppinion on clothes, I slipped into complaining. "I sure wish I looked like her..." I thought. I made a few comments to this effect, and she said "well, Kari, the grass is always greener, isn't it?" SNAP - I realized she was right. "Wow, listen to my discontent!" I wailed. "Can we stop and pray?" I asked. And she joyfully agreed and prayed for me (yes, right there in the dressing room!), that I would be content with myself and desire to be beautiful at heart instead of beautiful in body. What a treasure. What an adjustment. What kindness of God to not only show me my sin but provide me with a friend to pray for me on the spot.

So what's the verdict ladies? What are we after? One of my New Year's goals was to pursue the Gentle and Quiet Spirit. I have alot to learn and alot of growing to do, but I learn every day how badly I need to seek that which is very precious to God - because if I'm not actively seeking it, my sin is going to well up and fill my vision, and before I know it I'll be after the throne again.

My thanks to both my friends, who far surpass me in the gentle and quiet spirit - I have much to learn from you!