Sometimes I feel like I'll never be well. I totally dispair for my future. I didn't get up to have my quiet time this morning - and I don't know if I'll be awake enough to have one when I get home.
At times like these I need a quick hit of truth. Here was my choice this morning:
"Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel,"My way is hidden from the LORD, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:27-31
boy, I almost wish I could take the stuff intravenously. What a promise. And though it's miserable being sick, this promise is made all the sweeter because of my illness. If I were strong and healthy, I probably wouldn't give promises like this the time of day. I'd think that it was certainly a beautiful thought, but I would - if I were honest with myself - believe I didn't need such promises.
I thank God for this illness. It's making me see just how much I need him. And the truth is I wouldn't need him any less if I were perfectly healthy - I'd just be more susceptible to the deception that I was self sufficient. I'm glad for these circumstances breaking down that lie in my mind. And hopefully, if God sees it fit to heal me of this disorder, I'll be able to hold on to the truth that I need God for my stregth even when I'm healthy.
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