Dependence

About a year ago I started experiencing fairly severe fatigue and was inable to stay warm. My mom was convinced I was anemic. I was convinced I just needed to move to the west coast - it was much easier to solve than being anemic. My husband finally convinced me to go to the doctor. I wasn't anemic - but I did have a thyroid disorder.

This is nothing big, nor surprising. Several members of my family have thyroid disorders. Mine is not uncommon: hypothyroidism. Basically my body's engine doesn't rev hard enough. Just like a car won't go very fast or get very warm when the engine isn't working at full capacity, my body experiences similar symptoms because my thyroid doesn't work at full capacity. I'm tired, weary, and cold a large percent of the time - if I don't take my medicine.

Well, I've had my medicine and have taken it faithfully for 5 months. For the first 3 months I felt great. The past 2 months however, I've felt myself winding down again. The only thing I can think of is that my doctor ordered me the generic medication instead of the name-brand one last time she called in my perscription to the pharmacy. I'm going to ask her to stick with the name-brand the next time around and see if there's a difference. If there is, the problem is solved.

In the meantime, God is good. The past few days I've felt completely unmotivated. All I've wanted to do is sleep (typical of my disorder). Cleaning my house is a major undertaking. And having a quiet time? Out of the question - if I'm depending on myself.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." -John 15:5

Jesus reminds us in this passage that we can't accomplish anything of eternal value unless we're continually abiding in him. God's reminded me how frail and weak I really am without Him, how little good I can do for His kingdom without his help. My body fails me daily. I am a limited being. But God is unlimited, and he has promised to stregnthen me to obey him. Thus, even though I feel like my battery's about to die and I'll involentarily switch off at any moment, I can pray with the confidence and dependence of the Psalmist:

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:23-26