Tuesday night I learned a good friend of mine is pregnant! I was so excited for her and her husband, but something like a fog settled over me when I heard this news. I couldn't decipher it. My husband couldn't decipher it. I told him I felt like I was being stalked, like something was waiting for me to turn around, then it would pounce. If I just looked straight ahead with my eyes on the cross, I'd be ok - but if I took my eyes off the cross, this thing would...well...'get me.' At this point Stephan did what he always does when he realizes he can help no more - he suggests that I go to God, because God knows even if neither of us do. He suggested that I let him finish dinner and I go have my quiet time for the day.
In the first chapter of Romans I read where Paul writes of man "exchanging the truth of God for a lie" and set up idols for themselves. I didn't see it pertaining to my present unease, but I asked myself anyway: What things am I tempted to idolize?
One answer (I had a few) was "I'm tempted to idolize a different season of life". I can be tempted often to wish my life circumstances were different, and live for that - pursue that - instead of living for and pursuing God. I desire to stop working and be home fulltime. Learning about my friends pregnancy made me realize that she is headed for the very season of life I long for - one without work concentrated in the home. This stirred up my old idol, and if I hadn't been keeping God's promises close at hand, it would have consumed we quickly. Stephan was right - God knew what was going on in my heart.
As I thought about this, a picture crossed my mind. It was myself, running full tilt through a beautiful field of wild flowers, of all heights and colors. Beautiful mountains towered over head, and grand forrests could be seen at their foothills. Anyone who knows me well knows that this is my ideal of beauty. Grandeous, untouched nature is where I long to spend my time. I am a cabin-in-the-woods girl. And I was pelting through this without giving it the time of day. What was wrong with me?
God was asking a question: why run through a field of flowers? Why run through the season of life you're in right now? It's beautiful! It's good! There's much to be learned here. I need to enjoy it while I can, use it to prepare for the future. I'll never pass through this time of life again. I'll never be back in this field of flowers.
Scripture is clear that we shouldn't be preoccupied with tomorrow, but with today (Matthew 6:34, James 4:14-16). And what a beautiful place today is! Slow down and walk, tarry, glean, learn, prepare.
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