After alot of struggling (not only physical...), I finally sat down with my Bible and devoted some study to the topic of trials. I started with Romans 5:3-5.
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
This was very helpful if for nothing else than this:
suffering --> endurance --> character --> hope
I was able to look at this and see God's intention for human suffering - to give me hope.
I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing: "we're to gain hope through suffering... That's a huge leap in logic God."
But this wasn't an X = Y thing - it was a process to walk through. I could see the continuum and was thus able to place at a point along the progression. I painfully realized that I had stuck and stopped at 'suffering'. I was mired down and wasn't moving along the line as God wanted.
In short, I really needed some help getting from suffering to hope. I was in the thick of my trial and didn't see how I was going to make that leap.
I praise God for the inspired man who penned Psalm 130:
"Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD! O Lord, hear my voice!Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy! If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared. I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities."
It's not a long Psalm - only 6 verses - but it makes the leap. This has become my go-to passage when I'm feeling my trials pressing in on me from every side and I can see and feel nothing but suffering.
The writer begins with an outcry that I can always empathize with in the thick of trial: "Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!" This isn't someone who had a rough day at work and sends up a quick prayer that tomorrow be different. No, he's begging God for mercy. This is an afflicted man. This is exactly the stance of my own heart when my symptoms are resting hard on me - I want relief, I want release, I want mercy.
But where does he immediately turn? "If you, oh lord, should mark iniquities...who could stand?" He doesn't dwell on his affliction, but immediately brings the harsh truth of his situation to bear on his dispairing heart. He's a sinner - and if God kept a list of his sins he would be doomed. This is the truth of his standing before the God he's crying out to. This is more depressing than the trial that presses in on him.
The rest of the Psalm is very exciting. Instead of allowing the truth of his sin to condemn him, he immediately moves on to the gospel, rejoicing in the fact that God is a forgiving God. He's no longer sad - he's crying out in joy that he waits for the Lord as watchmen do for the morning! The last verses show his heart's turn-around. In them he's crying out to his country to hope in the Lord, for with him there is steadfast love, plentiful redemption. Not just love - steadfast love. Not just redemption - plentiful redemption. This man began crying out for mercy, and now, as he comes to the end of his poem, he remembers he has indeed already been shown mercy, mercy of the highest degree, mercy that saved his very soul from hell. What hope!
And there the leap has been made. This must have been a man who had suffered long, because he knew exactly how to lift his troubled spirit - and in only 6 verses! He must have moved along the continuum discribed in Romans 5. He had suffered, and endured it. This brought him to develop a godly, christ-like character, without which he never would have brough such truth to bear on his heart - he would have kept on pitying himself. This truth for us in our day, after Jesus death on the cross, is the gospel - and in the gospel, there is hope.
As I prayed to close my quiet time, I realized that I had been wailing over a mild physical affliction, all the while forgetting that my greater TERMINAL spiritual illness had already been healed - that's the hope of the gospel. I'd made the leap, and now everytime I'm feel the effects of my disease, I've been able to say "O Kari, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. And he will redeem you from all your iniquities!"
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