If any of you have ever read through the book of Numbers, you know that it isn't exactly like reading Romans. Revelations from God are not quite jumping up and hitting you between the eyes. You aren't really scribbling page after page in your journal. As all books of scripture are, Numbers is indespensable - but it's not the first book most of us go to when we sit down to have our quiet time.
But I've been in numbers for the past few days, meditating on one passage - Numbers 25:10 & 11.
I read through the old testament last year. It was a wonderful experience to understand the flow of my faith's history. But needless to say, a book consisting primarily of numbers wouldn't be the first book suggested in which to find the passage that affected me most during that reading. But Numbers was it.
"The Lord said to Moses, "Phinehas son of Elaezar, the son of Aaron, the priest, has turned my anger away from the Israelites; for he was as zealous as I am for my honor among them..." (emphasis mine)
--Numbers 25:10 & 11
I've never been able to get that phrase out of my mind since I read the passage. I think of it at least once a day. What's made such an impression? This guy was zealous for God's glory. I can hardly say that of myself. I can hardly say that my motivation is to see God's name lifted high above all things. I can hardly say I'm zealous for God's honor.
My sin is always on hand, and I wield it freely. It taints everything I do. I don't think I've ever had a truely pure motivation in my life. I'm a sinner. I'm zealous for my glory, not Gods.
But Phinehas was zealous for God's glory. God's. It's so amazing to me because it's so foriegn to me. But Pinehas wasn't just zealous for God's glory, he was just as zealous for it as God himself was! How did he do that?
I wish I knew. I've been struggling with a recurring sin for the past 24 hours now. I laid in bed last night thinking of Phinehas. "I want to be zealous for God's glory..." I thought to myself. "I want to be like Phinehas...what would being zealous for God's glory look like right now?" I fell asleep before I could figure it out.
I tried again this morning "I want to be zealous!" I thought. "I really do! What does that look like right now, God? Can I bring myself to do it? Can I slay my sin and be motivated by zeal for your honor?" I couldn't. I never can.
It's almost noon now and I'm still trying to ralley my 'zeal' for God's glory. I don't seem to have any.
This would be the perfect time to despair if I didn't have the hope of the Gospel. Any lack of zeal on my part has already been made up for by zeal on Christ's part. He wanted to see his father's name glorified so much that he was obedient to death, even death on the Cross. I'm trying especially hard to remember his sacrifice on my behalf as I sit here writing on Monday of Passion Week.
Wow, look at all those "I"s. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks right? Looks like I'm struggling with a touch of self-sufficiency. Perhaps I'll just sit quietly for a while and ask God to enable zeal for his glory instead of trying to ralley it myself.
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