Funny Doctor Story # 4

Dr. Freakout came in a couple days ago. Usually he comes in quietly and stands in front of my desk until I notice him. This time he came right around my desk and stood by my window.

"Look at the flotillas," he said.

I looked out at the lake below my window and there were the geese, swimming in groups.

"A group of geese is called a flotilla?" I asked.

"If they're on the water," he said. "And look there," he pointed, "There are 4 goslings there, and 3 over here." He then looked at me with a superior gaze (nose literally in teh air) and said "Did you know a baby goose was called a gosling?"

"Yes," I said.

"Do you know what a baby swan is called?" he said, laying his trap.

"A swanling?" I offered.

"Jonah would know."

At this point I started searching my memory for swan references in the biblical account of Jonah. Finding none, I raised an eyebrow.

"Jonah is my 6 year old nephew," he said.

At this point I became interested, because Dr. Freakout is not the kind of guy who would care to mention his 6 year old nephew, let alone what he said next.

"How does Jonah know?" I asked, thinking perhaps the rigorous scientist before me was already seeing to his nephew's biology education.

"It's in Stewart Little. I was reading him Steward Little."

Now, picture with me, if you can, a pink-faced, balding but well kept bearded man, with a polo collar sticking out of his sweatshirt and real tennis shoes, curled up in a big arm chair with a six year old and Steward Little on his lap. I could have cried. I think he noticed because he answered his own question.

"It's a signet," he said. "A baby swan is a signet."

Perhaps I was badly prepared by the cute image of this curmudgeon reading a book to his nephew, because I for some reason found the word "signet" insupressively cute in itself. My thoughts ran all over the place, ending in the conclusion that I would fine for myself a little white dog, a very cute one, and name it Signet - "Siggy" for short.

I caught myself again, however, before articulating any of this, and simply said "Signet. I'll remember that."

"However, I don't know what a group of swans is called..." Dr. Freakout said as he left the office.

Well, that was homework if ever I was given homework. I immediately turned to the computer and sought out what a group of swans was called. Upon finding it, I sent Dr. Freakout this email:

"A Group of Swans is a 'whiteness' of swans. I particularly like the 'ostentation of peacocks' as well"

A group of peacoks is an 'ostentation'.

He responded in kind:

"Crows murder. Ravens are just unkind."

A group of crows is a 'murder of crows'. A group of ravens is an 'unkindness of ravens'.

of course I noticed this one, being still in a highly sensitive state to all things cute: a group of hummingbirds is 'a charm of humming birds'.