Be it Known...

...that on May 12th, 2008, after being in my current position at Covenant Life Church for 17 months without them...

MY COMPUTER SPEAKERS ARE WORKING!!!

I'm dedicating the next 10,000 songs I play to our IT guy, who laid down an hour of his day to make this possible. What a servant.

The firey furnace

"King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold...And the herald proclaimed
aloud, "You are commanded, O peoples, nations, and languages, that when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, you are to fall down and worship the golden image that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up. And whoever does not fall down and worship shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace."

"I feel like I got a picture for you, Kari," my pastor said as I sat in his office. "It was of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the firey furnace, and I believe the Lord is saying that he might leave you in your firey furnace longer than you may want to be there."



My head fell into my hands. What did that mean? How much longer would I have to work instead of being home full time, as I longed to? How much longer would I be always the babysitter never the mom? How much longer would I have to work to provide for my family before God blessed Stephan with a job? "Longer than I wanted to be there..." A day more would be longer than I wanted.



I left the meeting very discouraged. We'd gone to our pastor for counsel. I felt like I was leaving the doctor's office with a terrible diagnosis.



A few days later I found myself in a bookstore staring down at Daniel 3, and the account of Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego.

"Then Nebuchadnezzar in furious rage commanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and
Abednego be brought. So they brought these men before the king. Nebuchadnezzar answered and said to them, "Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up? Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of...every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?"

I covered my face. It was an uncanny parallel. I was at a place in my life where I was being faced with a choice. Bow down to the golden images - the idols - of my heart, those of being home, of motherhood, of ease, of comfort, of preference - or reserve my worship for the God of my salvation regardless of the consequences. Not giving in to all those desires would mean I'd have some firey discomfort ahead of me - and if my pastor's word were true, it would be for longer than I wanted...

"Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."

Every feel like God told these guys of old to write something down just for you? I felt distinctly challenged to mimic the response of these 3 men, to have a heart attitude that said in the midst of my situtation "God can change everything - but if he chooses not to, I will not worship anything but him, no matter what the consequence." I couldn't remember the last time I told my idols I wouldn't worship them. I spent all my time telling God I wanted to.

"Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury... He ordered the furnace heated seven times more than it was usually heated. And he ordered some of the mighty men of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace. Then these men were bound in their cloaks, their tunics, their hats, and their other garments, and they were thrown into the burning fiery furnace. Because the king’s order was urgent and the furnace overheated, the flame of the fire killed those men who took up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. And these three men... fell bound into the burning fiery furnace."

How encouraging... I thought. I did feel like I was in a furnace heated 7 times hotter than usual. It was one thing to have desires that are going unmet, but then to watch everyone around me be given the things I wanted sure did turn up the heat. I was extatic whenever I learned one of my friends was expecting, or to see others move on into opportunities in the church that I desired, or to hear of ladies being able to stop working and go home full time - I truly was. But it just seemed like no one else was having to wait...



Lord, I prayed, is there any encouragement for me in this story?

"Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his
counselors, "Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?" They answered and said to the king, "True, O king." He answered and said, "But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods."

I read this over and over again through tearing eyes. Walking in the midst of the fire...unhurt... my discomfort doesn't have to be something that destroys me - God intends it to refine me. Unbound... I have the spirit-enabled power to chose to worship God instead of idols. My bonds of sin are broken. And the fourth is like a son of the gods... I have Christ at hand, there with me in my trial. When I think of that, there's no where else I'd rather be standing, no matter how many times hotter than usual the fire is blazing.



I stuck my finger in Daniel and flipped over to Romans 5, where I read "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly."



I wanted to walk that progression faithfully, suffering to endurance to character to hope, hope in my salvation that doesn't dissapoint, because Christ died for me.

"Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the burning fiery furnace; he
declared, "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come
out, and come here!" Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the fire. And the... king’s counselors gathered together and saw that the fire had not had any power over the bodies of those men. The hair of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed, and no smell of fire had come upon them. Nebuchadnezzar answered and said, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and
Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants, who trusted in him,
and set aside the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God."

I shut my bible then. I wanted people to give God that same glory if God did allow me to come home and be a mom one day. I wanted them to say that my fiery furnace had no power over me, and not a hair of my head was singed during those long years spent waiting and and questioning, and blessed be my God, who kept me during that trial, and enabled me to set aside my flesh's demands and yeild up my preference rather than serve and worship any God except my own, the one who saved me.



(all Bible exerpts are from Daniel 3 unless otherwise noted)

OluKai

"These aren't going to work."

I turned around to see Stephan coming in the door and promptly kicking off his new flip flops. My heart sank. I've been trying for 3 years to convince him of the magic and wonder of flip flop footware. I thought I'd finally convinced him numerous times, but he'd always been somehow displeased, and kept comparing them to some strange brand of flops that I'd never heard of and were proported prohibitively expensive. This time I had really thought I'd got him.

"No?" I said.

"No," he replied, then told me how the flip flops were hurting his feet. I sighed, another attempt in vain. But the last thing I wanted was for my flip flop ambitions to rub my husband's feet raw.

"Well, you can return them," I commented. And he did.

A few days later, my mother pointed out that our waterbottles were the kind that had BPAs. I'm still not sure what that means, but it's something to do with water that sits in the bottle leeching something - these BPAs - out of the plastic. These BPAs then take a free ride to your belly whenever you take a swig. This explained many mysterious tummy aches. We promptly threw the bottles out.

A few days later still Stephan suggested we stop into HTO and buy new water bottles. While there, he said "let me look at the flip flops." My hopes soared. I may yet get him into a pair of "thongs", as the Aussies say. I followed, flipping along in my own 10-year-old black Reef flops.

He looked around a little, then went to a rack of flops and decidedly pulled a pair off.

"These are the OluKais," he said, slipping his feet into them. I approached and examined them closer. OluKai - that was the brand he'd raved about but had said was way too expensive. I remembered now how much he'd said he liked them years ago.

"Well, how much are they?" I asked, watching him walk around. He told me and I snorted. "That's not bad for a shoe you'll wear for 10 years," I pointed out. Stephan shugged and kept on shuffling around. "I guess I don't buy new flip flops every summer."

I glanced back at the rack, very intrigued. I casually pulled a pair of the lady OluKais off the rack and dropped them to the floor. I paused only briefly before pulling my foot out of my own flip flops - my 10-year-old black Reefs, the ones I'd worn all over Europe...the one's that had saved my tennis shoes from getting drenched in the sudden rain storm in Interlaken...

This is no time for sentiment, I told myself. I'm merely trying these on. Stephan's the one whos in the market for flops.

I think I now know what Cinderella felt like when she slipped her foot into that glass slipper, the one that fit only her foot. These were undoubtedly the most comfy flip flops in the world. Suddenly the foot still in my old sandals felt like it was loosly strapped to a plank of rotting wood. I shod myself in both sandals and took a lap of my own - then hastily returned them to their place on the rack. We weren't there shopping for me. "You must get these," I said to Stephan. "They're amazing."

After a little more insisting, and after wading through the "light leather or dark leaterh?" quandary, Stephan decided he would get the pair he'd tried on first. Then he asked me what I thought of the pair I'd tried on.

"They're heavenly," I said. I'm sure I was starry eyed.

"Heavenly, huh?" he said. He didn't even pause before grabbing the pair I'd liked most and held them out ot me. "Then let me get you a heavenly present."

I'm usually the kind of wife that asks "are you sure?" But this time, I merely threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. You have to understand - I believe flip flops are a state of mind, not a seasonal item. I wear mine 12 months a year - even in the snow and ice (provided I'm not going to be outside too long). I hike in them. I go to church in them. I wear them to work. They're the closest, socially-acceptable thing to being bare-foot that's out there, and I am very close to my 10-year-old pair. Only something stellar would have convinced me to upgrade - and these were stellar, and Stephan was letting me get them.

I have the best husband in the world.

We left that night with new kicks (Stephan calls his "my fighting OluKais!") and new water bottles, the making of happy bellies and happy feet. Stephan's simply the best...I know he loves me, but I think he was a little relieved to see the Reefs suplanted. And to my great joy, I am too!

SLK

We were driving on the highway listening to music when Stephan said.

"When I'm rich, I'm buying you a Mercedes SLK."

Not being into fancy cars, I said "Why?"

"SLK - Stephan Loves Kari."

Reason to Hope

I came back into the living room this morning, holding a Midol loosely in my limp fingers. But I don't think that was what made my husband shut his bible and gather me quickly into his arms. He knows that look in my eyes - the lusterless film of another hope deferred and the countenance of a heart growing sicker and sicker...

I wrote a post over two years ago called "a show of hands..." In it I said the following:


"It seems like all the women in my life are getting what I want before I am. My list goes on and on, and they seem to be regularly checking off their desires while my list remains on the fridge, yellowing, with only 2 or 3 boxes checked and no new fulfillments on the approach."


My life hasn't changed much in 2 years... My list is still tacked to the fridge - and it isn't so yellow anymore...it's turning an awful shade of brown...

I try not to, but my heart keeps a little list of all the things God hasn't given me - and then a sub-list of all the circumstances he's orchestrated that magnify the pain I feel at not having those things. I'd never done it before, but a few nights ago I sat down and got real with God, laying my catalogue before him and telling him exactly what was on my sinful mind.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, not charging him, but truly confused at this pattern of laying a desire before me, having it look promising, even hopeful, then removing the fulfillment. "One more 'no'..." I'd say in these situations, and they abounded. I wasn't trying to garner pity from the God of the universe - it's just that if he truly was the God of the Bible, which he IS, then he was purposing these things for my good and betterment. Not feeling good or better, I was appealing for help, and, if it pleased him, clarity.

As I rambled on, I heard old counsel ringing in my ears. "You could have it worse - some women aren't even married..." But somehow, comparing myself to people who 'had it worse' wasn't salve to my soul (though I do need to be more grateful) - in fact, it almost encouraged me to make comparisons in the other direction as well. What of the people who had it better? More old counsel..."They may have gotten something you desire," my memory said, "but they're probably struggling in a different area. Everyone has their trial."

I clenched my fists. But at least they have a bright spot in their life to take comfort from as they face their hope deferred... I thought. Where's my bright spot? I just want some desire of my heart fulfilled that I can point to and say 'I may not have X, but I have Y, so it's not so bad.'

My heart is an ugly place. Scripture calls it "deceptive above all things and desperately sick", and unable to be understood by man. The more I see of it, the more I hate it. This time was no different. I shut my eyes in disgust as the Spirit revealed what was going on. I hadn't thought it would be God's fault - but I wasn't quite expecting this news.

"Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the LORD, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water." --Jer 2:12-13

You don't want ME, I heard the Lord say. He was right. I want many other things, and I want them badly. These things have paraded in front of me over the past few years, and have gotten close enough for me to realize I want them. It hurts like a blow when they slip through my desperate gropings, and the force of the blow increases every new time I receive a 'no' from the Lord. Another chance at part time work impossible...another month without the hope of motherhood...another service opportunity given to someone else or made infeasible by existing, restrictive circumstances... There are more categories than this, and numerous examples within each category. I feel like Hannah, who's suffering scriptures says 'went on year after year'. It's so painful - I feel like my bones are rotting.

I've always known God was in it, and I've never charged him with being a meanie - but I've laid my confusion before him over and over again, sometimes in frustrated tones, sometimes through sobs and tears. I didn't see his good for me in it all. I've asked him for years to show me, if it pleased him, his purpose for me in my sufferings. I won't claim that this is the answer to that prayer - but it is certainly from the Lord.

He's allowed these different things to come into my life to show me I want them.
He's taken them from me to show me I idolize them.

I don't think I've ever had a more painful season of my life than this one. Trying to describe it to Stephan once I said "it's just been years of consistent, low-grade suffering, like a dull headache painful enough to distract you but not enough to incapacitate you." But here's the truth - it's not inconsistent with God's character for him to not give me a 'bright spot' in my life to point to and take my comfort from as I wait for my other desires to be fulfilled. He wants to be my bright spot - he should be my bright spot. He is indeed the only thing that will ever give me the solace and comfort my soul screams for in the face of earthly disappointments. I have a sun of a bright spot in my phenomenal husband - but in the face of these other unmet desires, even such an extraordinary gift as he is not comforting. Wonderful though he is, he too is a broken cistern, just like everything else I want. He and those other things will never satisfy me. Only God, the fountain of living water that overflows and never runs dry, will quench my thirst for fulfillment. Nothing else even holds water.

All of God's gifts are meant to point us back to him - the giver. He doesn't use his gifts to buy our love - and we should love him in the absence of them. If we don't, we need to ask ourselves if it was ever really God we were loving, or just the stuff he gave us. This is where I find myself now - is it God I love, I crave, I thirst after - or is it just his gifts?

I know what I want the answer to be, but I'm terrified of learning that lesson. It's a big lesson. but God's a big God, and an able teacher, who promises to finish what he starts. Beyond that, he's patient. I have much reason to hope.

"There's grace for this!"

Grace is a big deal at my church. And it should be - grace sums up God's disposition toward his kiddos. Wayne Grudem defines grace in his book Bible Doctrine as "God's goodness toward those who deserve only punishment." So simple - yet so weighty. We deserve God's just punishment for our sins - yet he sent Jesus to die as our substitute, take all the wrath due to us, and credit us with the reward of heaven that only he deserved. We deserve God's just punishment for our sins - yet, for his children, his help is available to fight against anything that would displease him and do eternal harm to us (basically our sin). Grace is a big deal, and I'm glad my church makes much of it.

However, my church also has a very specific 'lingo', and one of the things that is oft repeated in the lobby and whispered in the bathroom to struggling congregants is "there's grace for this..."

I was standing at my kitchen island one night recounting my weariness in my struggle against discontent.

And then it came.

"Kari, there's grace for this," my husband said.

My hands flew to my forehead and I said "Don't say that! I know scripture promises there's grace for me, but how do I practically access it!? I feel like I just need a big draught - where's the bar?!"

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." --Hebrews 4:14-16

This passage tells me to draw near to God confident in my mediator, Jesus. Through his death, Jesus has made it possible for me to boldy approach his father without the fear of wrath, and ask for help in time of need.

So what does "drawing near with confidence" look like? First of all, we must have put our trust in Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins. Without the "great high priest" this passage talks about, we cannot approach confidently, because the sin that has separated us from God is still separating us. Only by repenting of our sin against God and trusting Jesus to have taken all the punishment we deserve for them can we draw near.

I would contend that step two (after accepting Jesus as the savior we need) will always be humbly praying, and in our prayers, simply asking for this grace. With our heart postured in this way before God, any other means of help we pursue will be more effective. The advice of other believers may, sadly, fall on deaf ears if we haven't humbly asked God to allow us to accept good counsel. Hearing God's word preached may not penetrate a hard heart we haven't asked God to soften. Reading scripture may be inigmatic if we haven't asked God to open it up to us.
By crying out in prayer with a heart submitted to the will of God, we're posturing ourselves to recieve the grace we long for.

Since that night, I've "found the bar" - and there's nothing sweeter than falling down at the feet of my father - rich in mercy, full of love, eager to help - and just saying "abba, father, I'm weak. Help me." And he has more "grace to help in time of need" than I could ever use up.

Superpower?

Stephan and I were in our kitchen last week and he was sharing how he'd sinned earlier in the day. Then he recounted how he had seen his sin, repented of it, and turned from it. He was, however, still discouraged.

"Dude," I said, "it's approriate to grieve your sin and feel appropriately convicted, but doing what you did - turning from it - that's a superpower that's only available to the children of God. Rejoice that through Jesus, you can turn from your sin and seek God's glory."

...

Ever regret giving someone advice, because then you have to follow it yourself? Yeah...I was sinning up a storm this week, but tried to remember the superpower I discribed to my husband - the opportunity, through Jesus, to put off my sin and put on gospel-motivated righteousness. That's no small thing, man, no small thing.

Meet Stephan...

May I introduce my husband, who apparently posted a photo to my blog from my Picassa account last week...

Here are a few more pictures of the most wonderful man in the world, some featuring the most fortunate girl in the world (me, not the baby...). Enjoy!

This is a photo of KAri and I. It's sideways. I think kari is very pretty, and she has nice eyes. (this post done by stephan) I love Kari.

Multiple evidences...

...that my husband is the best in the world!

Earlier this month I worked over the weekend and had enough comp time to take a day off. I chose that Wednesday, because Stephan didn't have class. He still had homework to do, but I had stuff to do too, so it was agreed upon that we would take a couple hours to spend time together but devote most of the day to stuff-doing.

We got up on time, despite the option to sleep in, and made our way to our church's prayer room. It was a wonderful, non-rushed time of communion with God. Our pastors are doing a preaching series on the book of Jeremiah, and the prayer points for the prayer room are taken from that book as well. It's pretty powerful.

Afterwards, Stephan and I came home and chatted while we put together a puzzle his mom had loaned us. We find we really enjoy them.

It was then, however, time to get to work. Stephan did some homework while I sent some emails, and at 9 o'clock we got in the car and headed down to DC, to my favorite tea house - Teaism.

There are three Teaism locations, and Stephan wanted to try a new one this trip, so we did. When we walked in, however, it looked for all the world like any other sterile, high-end asian restaraunt. Something you have to understand about our original Teaism location is that it's crammed into an old, skinny, DC row house. The paint is chipping. The stairs dip down in the center of each step where hundreds of people have walked on them. The banisters are smooth from use. The windows actual open on their hinges. There's a little zen garden outside in the 4 feet between the door and the sidewalk. I don't think the floor isn't even level. I immediately fell in love with the rustic, alternative atmosphere, so stepping into this marble-floored, mirrored restaraunt was a little dissapointing. Stephan must have noticed the look on my face.

Evidence #1 for the day: even though we'd put money in the meeter, he insisted we leave and go back to the other Teaism, because he knew I liked it better. What a guy =)

So we did. The breakfast food is phenomenal. I got cilantro scrambled eggs with naan bread and a chicken-apple sausage. Stephan got the sausage too with a sourdough waffle and apples. His drink of choice was Chai, and I got an African red tea.

We sat at a crammed little table by a windowin the corner. After breakfast we pulled out our computers and did our respective stuff in the sunlight.

Around 1 the lunch crowd started to role in and we decided to leave. We made our way downstairs and I was practically skipping - the moment I'd patiently waited for all morning was finally arriving.

Teaism vends an amazing confection called a 'salty oat cookie'. The inventor had an oatmeal and raisin cookie one day while Kayaking, and as the first bite slid past her sea-salty lips...voila! My favorite baked-good was born! I don't know anywhere else to get them, and it had been a long time since we'd been down to Teaism, so...

My face fell when I reached the bottom of the stairs. There was a line out the door. I turned to Stephan. "Maybe it's not that important..." I started.

Evidence # 2 - "We'll wait!" he said, jovially grabbing me under the arm and pulling me toward the end of the line before it got any longer. I tried to protest, but I admit, it was half hearted.

The line moved faster than I anticipated, and before I knew it, I had not one, but two salty oat cookies in little Teasim bags as I sauntered out the door to our car - one original, and the new chocolate salty oat cookie to spice things up.

I was actually singing as I got in the car and broke the cookies in half for Stephan and I to share.

We made our way home and we were actually pretty tired, so we did something we never do - took an hour long cat-nap. It was actually more refreshing that I thought it would be and I was grateful we'd done it. When we woke up, Stephan strolled over to the window and looked out.

Evidence # 3 - He completely rethought date-night plans for me. "You know," he murmured. "I know date night was supposed to start at 5, but It's 3 now and so nice out..." He turned to me. "Would you enjoy if we did date night in the afternoon and went for a hike and came home and worked more once it got dark?"

Is Schwartzenegger hard to spell?

We were off to Great Falls National Park, and the Billy Goat Trail! It's been hard to get outside during the winter, so I was elated to hop in the car and head for the Potomac, and the craggy trail that has become my favorite woodland haunt. So spunky were we from our nap and the sunshine that we completed the trail in record time! The wind off the river was a little chilly. When we got back in the car to go home, evidence # 4 showed up - Stephan stopped at Starbucks to get me something warm to wrap my hands around! Evidence # 5 wasnt' far behind - I got a mocha and he got a caramel apple cider, and he let me drink as much as I wanted of both.

My mind went back to the salty oat cookies. One thing about me is that I love variety in my food. I love tapa bars because you can get a bunch of little meals in one sitting instead of just one. Legend has it that on our honeymoon while I was really sleepy one night Stephan started asking me questions, and one of these posed to me was "why do you love me?" In my drowsy babblings I proportedly included "because when we go out to restaraunts you're always wiling to get two different things and let me have half of each - that way, I get all the food!" This statement has gone down in FFF (Faherty Family Folklore), and every time he shares something with me he asks "do you still love me because you get all the food?" I just smile, nod, and eat what he shared with me first. He's shared his cookie so I could have two varieties. He was sharing his drink so I could have two varieties. "He really is the best husband in the world," I thought as we got on the interstate and returned to our cozy little apartment.

The night was filled with studying and other stuff-doing. By bedtime the laundry was done, my email box was empty, my calendar was up-to-date, the floors were vacuumed, and I'd gotten to do some pleasure writing - as well as spend some time with my amazing, geniful husband.

We were in bed on schedule to get up early the next morning, and we fell asleep listening to a book on tape. It was a wonderful day. God has been very kind to me. I can't believe I get to live with Stephan all the time. He's just the best.

1 Tim 3:11

A couple weeks ago my husband displayed his extraordinary humility again by asking me to begin praying 1 Tim 3:1-13 for him. This is a set of passages that talk about the qualifications of overseers and deacons - I don't think it's a far stretch to think about this is qualifications for pastors too.

As I began doing this, I came across this verse stuck in the middle:

"Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things."

Well, if Stephan wanted to be that kind of man, I certainly wanted to be that kind of woman. For some reason the last quality, "faithful in all things", really stood out to me - not because I felt I excelled at faithfulness, but because I didn't.

Givign some thought and prayer to what faithfulness looked like, I settled upon a functional definition. It certainly isn't all encompassing, but it's helped me evaluate my level of faithfulness in different areas.

Faithfulness is doing what you've committed to doing (what God has clearly commanded or given you faith for in a season) in a timely way, and if you can't, saying so.

This takes work. But if anyone can accomplish this in me, the God who is able to do abundantly more than all we can ask or imagine can!

A plug for rising early

No, I don't think 6:30 is too early to be checking your email.


You may think this is a reflection on computer addiciton in my life. Far from. I stare at a computer all day - I'm not one to get a jump on staring before I go to work, nor do I get particular pleasure out of more staring when I come home. I get on to take a look at my calendar which is kept online to make sure I'm attacking my day before it attacks me, and I do take a look at my email.


Well, Wednesday morning I got on and noticed an email from my mentor. 2 down, 5 to go! it read. Apparently a stomach virus was ripping through the family of 7. "If you have any chicken noodle soup, saltines, or Gaterade you aren't using, we'll take 'em..." she said at the end of her email.

I turned to my husband. "You up for a mercy run?" I asked, reading him the email. We proceeded to make chicken soup, run out for saltines and Gaterade, and drop them by the afflicted family - all before we left for work at 8:00.

There are many reasons to get up early. There is a biblical precedent of peopel rising early to seek the Lord before they started their day. Jesus did it (Mark 1:35. Everyone Christian woman's homegirl, the Proverbs 31 Woman does it (Prov. 31:15). King David did it (Psalm 5:3). This is by far the most compelling reason to get up - you get to fuel up on God's word and promises before you launch into a day where everything you know to be true about God may be challenged by your percieved circumstances and your flesh. It's absolutely critical that we see the danger of entering our day without a big gulp of God's promises, instead of going into our day unprepared and suffer for it (Ps 22:3)

Another reason is simply that we are sowing to discipline when we deny the desires of our flesh to stay in bed in the mornings - and, just as crucially, staying up late the night before. This is where the battle is won or lost for me. It's important to be properly rested by the time we plan to rise early, whatever that looks like for our season. Of course there will be mornings when circumstances keep us from getting enough sleep, but regularly getting up without applying self-control and discipline to the front end is foolishness.

The last reason for getting up early is that you're available to serve others! My husband and I were so blessed to be able to help our friends that morning when they needed it - how many other kinds of service could we pour ourselves into much closer to home if we were up and finished with seeking first God's kingdom when our families rose? Encouragement notes? Real breakfasts all around? Time to look them in the eye and talk with them before we all rush out the door to face the day? Doing a little housework so the evenings are completely free to spend with our loved ones? Planning to bless people in the future? Taking a look at our schedule to prepare and pray for specific appointments in the day? I've got a few friends who like short "good morning!" phone calls. The list goes on... I'm sure there are more creative people than me reading this.

Oh, and, for what it's worth, there's always hot water for yoru shower, because no one's been in there using it up before you. =)

Pearls

My husband got me a strand of pearls not long ago. Then 2 weeks ago I went shopping and found a real bargain at Old Navy, a pretty blue shirt for 3 bucks. I wore them together to the office.

"Kari!" everyone kept saying, "what pretty pearls!"

I found myself answering "Pearls? But what about my shirt, is my shirt cute?"

The pearls were old - the shirt was the thing I wanted poeple to notice, and they weren't noticing. There was something that stood out more.

I can be this way with spiritual encouragement too. Someone will comment on how I encourage others and, though I thank them, think inwardly 'no one's noticing my prayerfulness lately...'. Someone will encourage me about how I love my husband and I'll think "will anyone ever notice the humility I've been praying for?"

This is such a silly attitude to have. I'm so consumed with waiting for the encouragement I wish I was getting that I sometimes totally disreguarding the encouragement I am getting.

There are a couple of pitfalls here, the first being condemnation. If I don't pay attention to the evidences of grace others point out in my life, chances are I won't see them myself. Some days all I can see is my sin, so I need to heed the encouragement brought to me by godly friends and family so I can be built in faith that God is working in my life. Otherwise I might not catch it myself. Beyond that, I could be quenching the spirit in others. They are only encoruaging me because the holy spirit helped them see evidences of grace in me and prompted them to share for my edification. If I disreguard their encouragement, I'm belittling their observation, discouraging them from exercising the gift of encouragement in the future (with me at least), keeping myself from being built up by the church, and ultimately robbing God of the glory that should be his if I'd say "why thank you! It's all because of grace".

I think I got it by the end of the day - I started thanking people for their complements on my pearls - but it was always with the little tag "Thanks! They're from my husband! Isn't he wonderful?" I hope I can do the same with encouragement. "Thanks! That's from my savior! Isn't he wonderful?"

Acts 2:42-47

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."


Februray 13th there was a crazy ice storm in Gaithersburg (Maryland's Manic-Depresive season begins...). All the cars were practically laminated. Earlier in the day one of the facilities guys came by my desk and told me things were getting bad. I stood up as soon as he told me, but he read my mind.

"You're wiper blades are already up," he said.

I thanked him and sat down, very grateful.

Later in the day, we get the email. "Due to deteriorating weather conditions, the office will close at 4." At 4, out we all trudge into the parking lot, ice skating to our cars, only to find them completely incased in ice. So we begin chizzling them out. When I was done with my own car I looked up and noticed that my wonderful coworkers, my brothers and sisters in Christ, had begun swarming one car at a time and were systematically working their way through each car in the parking lot. I joined in. In about 20 minutes, all the cars were ice free and ready to go.

Incidents like this always make me think of the passage in Acts 2, where Luke discribes the way the church functioned. This blitzing of the ice yesterday made me think of the line in the passage about the believers each giving to each other as there was need. There was a need to have ice scraped off cars - and the church met the need. That's how the church is supposed to work - and that's how my church does. Praise God!

'Enry 'Iggins...

...if you can believe it, I just saw My Fair Lady for the first time last Saturday. I was pretty appauled by the character of Henry Higgins - in a comedic sort of way, of course. Here was a guy who had impossible standards, insanely compressed time frames, and cryptic, unhelpful methods that were supposed to help Eliza reach his unattainable goals - and he administered all his 'help' without the slightest drop of sympathy or compassion.

In my sin, this was how I began to view God last night - just an old, discompassionate man with an unhelpful book of riddles that was supposed to help me attain an unattainable goal - obedience.

As I prayed, I screamed inwardly. I just want someone who will sympathize with my weakness!

(Now, be kind. We all forget important things sometimes.)

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in very respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." -Hebrews 4:14-16

The Clapping Club!

I have the privilege to work at my church.

Every Wednesday, all the pastors gather in a room on the opposite side of the wall behind my desk and pray together. This particular Wednesday, however, myself a a coworker kept hearing them explode into upproarious applause at regular intervals.

"What are they doing?" We asked one another.

One of the guys came out to grab water and we flagged him down to ask what was going on.

"We're doing scripture memory," he said over his shoulder as he hurried back into the room.

I turned to my coworker thoughtfully. "Oh!" she said, "They must be reciting it and they clap for each other whenever they get it right!"

"Oh!" I said. "What a great idea!"

"Yeah...hey...WE could do that too!"

"We could!" I cried. "Why don't we?"

So we invited all the girls who sit in our corner to participate. "We're going to choose passages of scripture, gather weekly (on Wednesday mornings, of course!) recite as much as we can - and regardless of how many times we mess up or how far we get, we're going to clap and scream for one another! Who's in?"

We got a quarem - and the Clapping Club was born. I'm making my way through Ephesians 2.

Anyone else in?

"If you will, you can."

"When he came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. And behold, a
leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean." And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, "I will; be clean." And immediately his leprosy was cleansed." --Matt 8:1-3

The Lord stuck this passage under my nose late last year. This leper is an amazing person. He is suffering from an awful disease (I'll let you reserach the finer descriptions of leprosy yourself). I suffer from things MUCH less abominable, and I don't respond with the faith he did. God wanted me to learn this approach to approaching him.

First, the Leper came and expressed his humility by kneeling before Christ. Then he makes an amazing statement: "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean." He expresses both a submission to God's sovereignty when he says "Lord, if you will..." then faith in God's power by saying "...you can make me clean."

That is not often my heart when I come to the Lord with my requests. I can be squirming under his sovereign hand instead of submitting to it, or doubting his ability to help me.

This disease rules his life. But he still comes to Jesus and basicaly says "Lord, you rule over this disease, and all else, and if it be your sovereign will, you are able to heal me."

I'm trying to have this Leper's heart when I pray now - humbly saying "Lord, if you will, you can."

I realized lately...

... that I feel a big empty spot in my life when I'm not writing.

Looking back over past posts on this blog, I also remember how much practice I need.

So here we go - I'm reentering the Blogosphere. Hopefully I'll bone up a little and plug that empty hole.

Another evidence...

That my husband is the best in the world!

We were in church a few Sunday's ago and in the context of the message the pastor said "just quickly - survey your life for evidences of God's grace."

Stephan's head turned as if on a swivel to look at me. I looked over at him, startled by his abrupt motion, and met his eyes.

"Found one," he whispered.

Tommorow...

my marriage turns 3!

As I was reflecting on this, two major thoughts came to mind.

First, of course, was that I married the most wonderful man in the world, second to none. I don't deserve him (though the debate continues as to whether or not he deserves me...).

Second, was how the past 3 years have been nothing but pure, undeserved grace. I shutter to think where my marriage would be today if God hadn't mercifully intervened, lead Stephan and I to our church, opened our eyes first to His saving gospel and then to His perfect plan for marriage, and through the teaching we received brought us to a place where we are experiencing all the blessings God promises to those who obey his word. We've grown into a depth of communication that few couples ever experience - this has lead to the sight and mortification of so much sin that would have otherwise festered and ravaged not only our relationship with each other, but with God. We've grown into the prescribed roles scripture lays out for husband and wife, and have experienced the blessings inherent in a husband leading his family, and a wife facilitating that leadership. The blessings of joy and quality in my marriage would be enough to put me on my face with gratitude each morning, but all this is sweetened by the knowledge that I'm walking out my marriage in a way that isn't only reaping benefits for this life, but I'm also storing up reward for myself in heaven as well - and helping Stephan do the same by helping him walk out his role as husband. God promises blessing to those who fear him and keep his commandments - and I've seen this over the past 3 years of my marriage. Scripture also says that God is merciful, and he sends the rains to fall on both the wicked and the good - I've seen that too, for I'm by no means perfect at this whole 'wife' gig. God is good - that's the bottom line, and that's what I've seen during my married life.

But back to thought #1 - my husband. He's the chief blessing given to me by God, and the highest form of his goodness to me...well, 2nd highest - absolute highest is, of course, him saving my soul through Christ's atoning death.

A friend at work asked me how I was doing a couple weeks ago.

"Saved!" I replied. "And it's beautiful outside! How could I be better?"

She snickered as she pulled her hair into a ponytail. "All this and Christ too!" she said.

That's been my pervading thought this morning: I have Stephan - a passionate, loving, encouraging husband who works hard every day to provide for his family; who looks at his whole future in the framework of providing for and protecting his family; who desires to bring his wife home to raise his children, and make sure she has not only all her needs, but her wants; who cares more about his wife's soul than her comfort and isn't afraid to call her to task on her sin and point her back to the gospel - All this and Christ too.

I'm incomparably blessed - and I've only been married 3 years! Thank you Stephan - and thank you God.