"Content in me"

At the beginning of my marriage, I experienced some unforseen problems. They were completely beyond my control. Struggle though I may, there was nothing I could do. I cried, begged, pleaded, wailed and anguished over my circumstances. I beseeched God to be merciful and take away my suffering.

But God wasn't out to remove my suffering. He was out to remove my iniquity.

After months of this I finally felt I heard from the Lord. His counsel this: "Work yourself to a place where if nothing changes you are content in me."

Not what I wanted to hear. I wanted the God I read about in the Old Testament to blaze in and slay my problems. But no. He was calling me to something higher - contentment severed from circumstances. It was a tall order.

But I tried to be faithful. I stopped praying "gimme" prayers and prayed that God would make me overwhelmingly joyful in my Salvation - my greatest need met. It was hard. In effect I had to completely release hope of my situation changing. I had to surrender it all to God.

I thought of the irony of praying to bring myself to a place where ideally, if God did chose to move in my situaion, I wouldn't really care. But God is kind. I'm always amazed. Within 2 weeks my circumstances had completely turned around. Everything I had been praying for before was granted me. And though it was a blessing, it wasn't the hinge on which my life swung - that was God. He brought me to that place through this trial. What an awesome gift!

I wouldn't trade it for anything.