"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." -- Romans 7:15
So what's the solution? A helpful question my husband always asks me when I fall into sin for the ump-teenth time is this: "Do you hate this sin yet? Because you'll never be able to change until you hate it."
What he's asking is "are you grieved over this sin? Do you recognize it as rebellion against a holy, loving God? Do you realize that this very sin deserves wrath from God? Do you believe in your heart that Christ had to die for this specific sin?"
Most of the time I'm not thinking about my sin in those terms. When I make a harsh joke about my husband and hurt him, I can be tempted to think "what? It's not a big deal! It's not like I killed someone." I make less of my sin that I should. I need a perspective adjustment.
A familiar passage of scripture that has always helped me hate my sin is Ezekiel 16.
This chapter from the prophet Ezekiel's book is one of the most sobering I've ever read. In context, it's a warning to Israel from God to stop worshipping other gods and be faithful to him. But the imagery used to deliver this message is what I find most helpful when I feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit speaking to me, and telling me to turn from my sin and be faithful to God.
The imagery is that of an adulterous wife. This isn't just a wife who has one little affair. This woman was cast away into the dust at birth, without anyone so much as cleaning the birthing blood off her. No one showed her compassion. God the king came by and showed her mercy, and waited for her to grow, then married her, and the discription of the finery He adorned her with draws a drastic contrast to the condition in which the king found her. But this woman isn't satisfied with her husband, and runs after every man she can find, eventually paying them to lie with her.
What a slap in the face to the man who saved her very life. All he asked was that she be a faithful wife.
This is how seriously God takes my sin. I was no more able to save myself than a little baby just born. But God showed me mercy, and saved me from my sin, and called me to be fully committed to him and him only. When I sin, I'm breaking my committment to him, just like an adulterous wife.
This passage has been particularly powerful to me since I got married myself. I can't imagine betraying my husband like this woman did! I makes me nauseous! I love him too, too much to ever tolerate that kind of behavior from myself.
But I tolerate if of myself in relation to God.
Even though he commands me not to cheat on him with the suitor of anger, I do. Even though I know how deeply grieved and pained he is when I'm caught in bed with pride, I still do it. Just as my earthly husband would feel betrayed if I even flirted with another man after I'd sworn to be faithful to him, so God feels the same betrayal when I so much as flirt with sin. And God takes my sin as seriously as an earthly husband would take adultery.
My sin is very much "a big deal." When I need to remember that, I go to this passage. It isn't short. It doesn't leave one feeling warm and fuzzy. In fact it leaves you feeling filthy - but that's the reality of our sin. We're filthy. Yet at the close of the chapter God promises to remember his covenant with us and even atone for all we've done. That's the gospel. Ephesians 2:1-10 is my gospel hit when I feel like my sin will crush me. The gospel says that even though we're all adulterous wives, we can stand before God as a perfectly faithful wife, because Christ was perfectly faithful on our behalf. What a miracle...and what a relief!
So next time you're tempted to think "my sin isn't really that bad", read Ezekiel 16. I find I'm not so apt to justify my behavior after I have, but I am more apt to ask for grace to never hurt God like that again.
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