Clarity

I'm emotional today.

Don't laugh at me! This is weird! I don't normally get emotional like this. Sure, I have emotions, I'm a woman! But I can usually say "ok, that thing happend and now I'm sad," or "such-n-such occured and now I'm angry." But today I just feel completely a jumble of unclear feelings, some of which seem to be extremely happy, others of which seem to be sorrowful. I don't know what brought it all on. I can't identify any triggers. And I don't like it.

By the way, I'm not pregnant, so don't ask.

I can't put another title on it except "confusion."

Ask my husband - when I can't figure something out, I get real out of sorts. If I can't see the logic in a situation, I grow very angsty.

Well I'm angsty today, dangit. I'm not used to this and it doesn't make any sense. I don't know which way's up. Anybody got any hints? Maps? Road signs?

How about a guide book? I got one. And it's pretty clear about which way's up:

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act." --Psalm 37:5

Simple enough. My feelings may not be clear, but I can commit my way to God and trust him, and he will act on my behalf.

**Correction to Card

I had an adventure the other day. They're never far away when you work in a medical school. This isn't really a funny doctor story. It only involves myself, our budget officer and a lab tech. I thought "Funny budget officer, lab tech, and me story # 1" might be awkward.

I was on my way downstairs to collect a fedex recieved for one of my doctors that morning. As I headed for the stairs, a contracted construction worker called to me.

"Excuse me, do you know what I should do with these?"

I turned around to greet the enormous man, who leaned a heavy lead pipe over one shoulder and extended two small plastic bags to me with the unoccupied hand. I couldn't see what they were until I got closer. Upon near examination I saw what these bags contained - mice. Yes, little white lab mice. But there was something else in the bag: a card. A white card - with big red letters boldy stating BURN.

I can honestly say I have no idea what was done to those mice to necesitate the inceneration of their carcasses, but you can guess where my mind went. Though dead, these mice were infecteous, and had obviously fallen off someone's cart who was taking them to be safely disposed of after experimentation.

"Where did you find these?" I asked, gingerly taking the mice from him.

"In the freight elevator vestibule," he answered very kindly. He looked as apprehensive as I felt. Neither of us being scientists, dealing with these highly scientific mice was a little frightening. I mean hey, I've read The Hot Zone. He looked like he had too.

"Probably fell off a cart," I said, still holding the little beggars 2 feet away from all my bodily orphases or muchus membranes. "I'll take care of them." He nodded gratefully and went back to his work.

I turned around and headed back toward my department. Someone there would know what to do with contageous mice - or at least have a lighter.

After stopping into Miss Money's office to show her my prize, I ran into Salty, a lab tech for the vice chair. I got his attention I showed him my new friends. After a surprised belly laugh that I never would have expected from a man his size (he's a rather small fellow) he asked where I got the mice.

"Found 'em" I said. He took one bag from my hand (still 2 feet away from my head and all therein) without fear and looked at the BURN tag. There was other information written on there as well, such as the lab that had used those mice for experiements.

Salty read me the lab name, and said I'd better return the mice and let them know what happened. They certainly wouldn't want it happening again. So I walked the entire length of the department on the tag scanning the door tags for the lab in question, never finding it. I must have passed a dozen labs, none of them the guilty party. I came to the end of the department's horseshoe shaped hallway and was spotted by Salty again.

"No luck?" he asked in his completely unworried way.

"Nope," I relayed.

"Well, let's pop in the office and ask," he suggested. We did so. When we arrived, Salty grabbed the bags, again, completely unworried, and asked where the lab was. The secretary took us to it and knocked.

Now, Salty may have known something I didn't, or maybe all his years in science have given him special powers to use against infecteous mice, but when I saw the lab we were taken to I questioned his confidence (and his super powers). I recognized this lab. This was the lab that had those special sensors beside the door, the one's that you could hear beeping even in our department as the researchers scanned a special badge, the badge that means they signed the "I know I'm risking my life to go in here" paper.

Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. It only had a biosafety level 2 rating, which doesn't require stuff like gas masks and space suits. But It does require that the agents their working with be kept contained. Hence the special doors. Maybe Salty's nonchelance was meritted.

A very content looking fellow answered the door. The secretary explained what was going on and Salty held up the specimins. His eyes grew wide when he saw them and he grabbed them and examined the tag. He seemed to grow less fearful as he read the tag, and asked where I'd found them and I told him, and he looked up at me with the most sincere expression I'd ever seen and said very, very emphatically "I'm so glad you found them and not EHOS..."

('EHOS' is the Environmental Health and Safety department. Their mission is to punish anyone who so much as sneezes in the cafeteria without covering their mouth and immediately washing their hand.)

We all parted on lovely terms and I'm sure the mice were...taken care of.

When I came back I found a sticket on my desk. I recognized Miss Money's handwriting. She's criminally whitty and is fond of leaving humerous notes on my desk. I should have expected this one:

"Mouse-in-bag
**CORRECTION TO CARD

Should read: EAT"

The Ache

I'm starting to feel it again...

I pulled a necklace out of my jewelry box a couple days ago. It's a beautiful silver filagree piece from Indonesia. I turned to my husband.

"You know we haven't taken a real trip for 2 years?"

He looked up at me apologetically. "You getting wrestless?"

I dropped my eyes and didn't answer. I didn't want to make him guilty. It wasn't his decision that kept us from traveling, that's for sure. I knew he was a wrestless as me. But if the means aren't there, they aren't there.

I used to discribe this wrestlessness to my friends as "the ache". Whenever I got cabin fever, I just told them I was feeling the ache. I used to write about it. Below are some poems I wrote a couple of years ago.

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Gypsy Blood~

So, you say you want to know
Why I do not claim a home?
Why I much prefer the road
And gypsy cart as my abode?
So you want to understand?
Well, follow me and lend a hand.
Got a recipe, I do
And it might fit the likes of you.
If you at first don’t understand
You never will, and never can.
But if you do, then maybe I
Have found someone to share the ride.

Throw your pipe dreams in the mix,
The flukes, the quirks you want to fix,
I'll throw in my wanderlust,
And some leftover sandal dust,
That twinge in your nose, or thumb perhaps,
That comes from looking at too many maps.
Secret hopes that you’ve protected
Old adventures recollected.
Throw them in, and close the lid
We'll let it sit then place our bids.

Ah, it's finished, bring the ladle
And join me here at the table
Here’s your glass – I’ll fill it full
Now take it up and have a pull.

So you like it? I do too.
I thought it would agree with you.
You seem to look with different eyes
At all there is to see – Besides,
The feel was always in your core,
The drink just makes you feel it more.
From birth the feel’s run through your veins
And no, it never goes away.
And yes, it is a curse, I know
Having to stay but longing to go.
The need to always run or veer
Away from what the they all call ‘here’.
The ache that throbs beside your heart
Will never quell until you start
To look for all the roads untraveled
Stitch up dreams someone unraveled,
Top the very best you’ve done,
To run till you yourself are stunned.

What’s the ache, I hear you ask?
It’s the wine that’s in your glass
That need to beet the path down smooth
That need to always be on the move
That need to tred untrodden mud
That, my friend, is Gypsy Blood.

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Defining 'Wanderlust'~

Where do the little roads go?
Does anybody know?
Does anyone care
If they stay here or go there?
If they end
If they bend
If they curve
If they swerve
If they’re long or if they’re short
If they end in wood or port
Would they take me to the hills?
And would I learn the hills fulfill?
Would they take me to the wood?
And would I find the wood is good?
Would they take me to the sea?
And would I find the sea in me?
Do people search for small back roads
Like little boys for little toads?
Or do roads long for traveling trekkers
Like the wood for woody peckers?
If they do, am I obliging
Of myself or to their tidings?
Do they beckon wand’ring heels
And is that what my spirit feels
When I do inside abide
And wish to be on yonder side
Of the widow’s see-through face
The trail’s conclusion sweet to taste.
Do I set off on own accord
Or react to calling words?
Do roads yearn to be traversed?
And would a road be thought of cursed
If deprived of plodding feet…
Are plodding feet it’s plotting’s treat?
The question central to this musing
Is “Do I go of my own choosing?”
Or do I hear all day long
The road’s sirenic, drawing song…
In my ears this song is built,
But in my heart, do I feel guilt?
Guilt of stealing from the path…
Could this be the aftermath
Of robbing the road of its desire-
And is this robbing truly dire?
Am I interpreting this ‘guilt’
As something in me not fulfilled?
That threat’ning in me to soon go mad
Unless a trip can soon be had
Would “I must go!” be better said
“I must pay my due to the road” instead?
The guilt at leaving the road untouched-
Is that what I call “wanderlust”?

-----------------------

Quote the Ocean~

The sea sang its song as he played along
And kept time with the tap of his foot

His leg o'er the dock, the ocean did mock
The brown tip of the toe of his boot.

Quoth the Ocean "You want to, my chantey does haunt you
It tugs on the walls of your heart.

"So close and so far, still stuck there you are,
Why do you not up and depart?"

"Tis true," said the man, his guitar in his hand,
his gazed held by Valhalla's halls

"Constantly Sirens who cross your horizons
taunt me with beckons and calls"

Quoth the Ocean "The time's perfect! Step down on my surface!
I'll carry you to where they sing

"You're insides grow bleary, your life it grows weary
of balancing on a guitar string."

Quoth the man "What far places, what lingering traces
Of old will I see if I go?

"What have you to offer that would make my suffer-
ing worth it, I'd like to know?"

Quoth the Ocean "Why ask me? Why do you harass me?
You do not care where you reside.

"Suffering!" Ocean sneered "You suffer more here!
You ache for the wide open path,

"For unending sky is the only reply
To that ache that will sooth it's sharp wrath"

Quoth the man "You see through me. You're waves do undo me
I have nothing to stay for at all.

"Yet all things to go for, what have I to show for
my years of ignoring your call?"

Quoth the Ocean "You've nothing but hollowed out suff'ring
And a hollowed out heart for it's twin

"You'll die from your wondering, thinking and pondering
What your now stagnant life could have been"

Quoth the Man "So what you suppose is that I do not know this?
That I have not thought this same thing?"

Quoth the Ocean "Don't raise your voice! It's been all your choice
to stay there or go where mermaids sing."

Quoth the Man "There you're wrong, I do hear their song
But I've fetters my own to contend with.

"It tears at my middle to see even a little
of what I could be thrown to the wind with."

"The sun sings it's chorus, up with it comes Horus
to jeer from his place far away

"At my current unluckiness and how I am stuck in this
place where I'll rot and decay."

"So all you don't care for is what you stay there for?"
Quoth the Ocean in final attempt

"I'm tied into staying with chords never fraying."
The Ocean still sings his lament

So his fingers did strum as he inwardly hummed
Of his longing to wander and roam

And grew the sea's chantey, and with it his fancy
To see what laid beyond its white foam

Good Fruit

Life's been pretty good lately. My excellent husband made a little candle-light tea party on the deck for me last night (my favorite white tea with lime zest!). He took some time to encourage me, telling me the ways I'd grown over the past year or so. There were some pretty exciting ones, like trust in God is coming more to typify my life and inform my actions. Oh, and he said I was growing in mastering the gentle and quiet spirit talked about in 2 Timothy. There were some other things too. It was really nice to sit on the porch on a cool summer night, listening to the rainfall, the scent of our herbs stirred up by the rain, the steam of the tea spiraling around in the undillating candle light, being encouraged by the man I love most in the cosmos.

Then we went to sleep, and sleep always means you have to be rudely awakened by an alarm clock, that blasted Promethean Duck, the thing that squawks and squawks every morning until you slay it, only to squawk and squawk the next morning to be slain again. I dispise my Promethean Duck.

I awake every morning, a bit before 6 as Kari the Duck Slayer. I don't have the option of ignoring it because of my time sensitive thyroid meds. I get up, slay the duck, and stumbled into the bathroom to take my meds. Obligations fulfilled, the battle starts. Here's how it usually goes:

"I'd sure feel better if I just got 10 more minutes of sleep..."
"But I really need to go have my quiet time..."
"I won't be able to function today if I didn't get enough sleep..."
"If I don't have my quiet time now, I won't get it in today, I just know it..."

But here's what I thought this morning:

"Plucky's turning on the shower and jumping right in. I want the good fruit to continue."

Stephan confirmed alot of good fruit in my life last night. I've got a long way to go toward Christ-likeness, but growth is happening through grace. Does anyone else notice the drastic difference in their life when they're consistantly meeting with the Lord? There's nothing magical about having a quiet time. The change comes when we humbly express our constant need for God, his wisdom, his guidance, and his strength by studying his word and praying. He delivers these things when we're faithful to seek them from his hand. Is it any wonder that the longer and more diligently we dwell in his presence, the more we see good, godly fruit coming to bear in our life? If it's true we reap what we sow, then we shouldn't be surprised.

When I'm in a season where I look around and see nothing but rotten, pudrid fruit all around, then I was sowing to something rotten - sin. Just the opposite is true when I see good fruit - it's because, by grace, I've been sowing to godliness.

So when the duck began wailing this morning, I remembered the good fruit Stephan pointed out last night - in my marriage and in my own life - and wanted to continue sowing to that. I can't help but marvel at the grace that's been poured out on my life to get me to this point. Any change is only by grace. God is so kind - but I don't want to lose ground in sowing.

So God give the duck long life and health and every blessing.

The Gospel

Wow. It's been a long time since I posted. So much for journaling, eh? Well, as I re-enter the blogsphere, I thought I'd re-post my favorite entry. I can't get enough of it.

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THE GOSPEL

My husband got up this morning and shouted that which he's been shouting for about 2 weeks now - properly modified, of course:

There's only 3 more sleeps 'till Christmas!!

Christmas is getting closer. And as it does, I find myself increasingly tempted to forget why I celebrate and be overwhelmed by all the 'stuff' I've got to do. So I need a reminder: I celebrate because my savior, Jesus, was born on Christmas. Oh man, Jesus again. What's so special about him? Why is he getting so much attention? I'd love to tell you.

There are a few other things you have to understand before you can understand why Jesus is so special. The first is you have to understand God.

God is holy. All those 'rules' in the Bible are merely a description of God's character. When he calls us to be patient, he's already been perfectly consistent in patients. When he calls us to be loving, he's already been perfectly consistent in love. "Holy", (very) simply put, means never having broken any of these rules - never violated the standard.

God is also just. Since he created the universe, he's got the right to also create 'the rules'. God is the earth's authority, and his rules are to be obeyed. When we disobey, it's called 'sin'. When we break the rules, we aren't just misbehaving. We're violating the holy standard - we're rebelling against a holy God. As John Piper puts it in his book The Passion of the Christ, "Sin isn't trivial - it's treason." When there's rebellion in an earthly kingdom, the King must address the rebels and administer justice. God can let no sin go unpunished or he wouldn't be perfectly just. He has to bring the sinners to justice.

God is also loving. He created us and he loves us - without condition.

We also have to understand who we are. We are sinners. The bible doesn't mince words about this:


"...For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." -Romans 3:23

Pretty clear. All. No one is without sin. So what's so bad about this? Well, we've already seen that sin is breaking the rules and rebelling against God. When we break the rules, we violate God's holiness. God can't allow sin into his presence because he would be tainted. One sin - breaking the rules only once - is enough to make us unholy - to make us sinners - and thus estrange us from God. This is the human condition - we are separated from God by our sin.

This leaves us in a very precarious place. If we aren't near God, we're far away. And after we die, we'll still be far away. This is the true gravity of our situation. After death, 'with God' is heaven - 'far away from God' is hell. Because of our sin, we're all hell bound.

You may have caught a contradiction by this point. But how can God allow that? Didn't I say earlier that God is perfectly loving and loves us unconditionally? This doesn't jive.

Another thing about God is that he will not fudge on any part of his character to satisfy another part. He can't fudge on his justice to be all loving, and he can't fudge on his love to administer justice. So now it seems to us like God kinda has a problem. How can he punish us for our sin - for our rebellion - and still love us regardless of our sinfulness?

This is the exciting part! God came up with the most ingenious plan. He created a substitute for us. Guess who? Right - Jesus. We stood before God as rebels stand before a king - worthy of the kings wrath and punishment. But God sent his son, Jesus, born on Christmas, to live a perfectly sinless life. Because he did that, he didn't have any of his own sin to be punished for, and he could be our substitutionary 'whipping boy'. God punished him for our sins - that's what happened on the Cross. Did you see The Passion of the Christ movie? Pretty nasty, huh? Well, when you consider that Jesus was enduring the punishment for every sin committed by every person in every generation in every nation in the whole world for all time - well, that's a lot of punishment. But Jesus did it willingly out of love. God did it willingly out of love.

So now all parts of God's character are satisfied: His justice was satisfied because our sins were punished - but the punishment was dealt to Christ instead of us. His love is satisfied because now, if we've accepted Christ's sacrifice on our behalf, God doesn't see us as sinners and rebels - he sees us as perfectly obedient, just like Jesus was, and there's no need to punish us. His holiness is satisfied because since we've been credited with Jesus' obedience, we aren't bringing sin into his presence. He remains perfectly holy.

See what happened? God, in his love, provided a way out! There's now the potential for a swap! Jesus took on all our sin. That part's done. We can now take this 'escape hatch' from hell by taking on all his obedience. This is where we have a choice to make: are we going to accept Jesus substitution for us? It's not as easy as just saying "sure, I accept." We've got to honestly and humbly admit that yes, we are rebels. We don't want to submit to God's rules. We want to make our own rules, and because of that, we need someone to be perfectly obedient on our behalf - we need a savior. Once we admit that, we've got to be willing to lay down all the rules we were living by and submit to God's rules - which are ultimately better for us because God loves us so much and wants the best for us.

And what's all this? This is the Good News - that's what "Gospel" means. And it is the best news we could ever have recieved! When Christians talk about the Gospel, this is what they mean.

I hope this explains why I was so excited by "being reconciled to God", like I wrote in yesterday's post. As a person who was on her way to hell, being close to God again with the hope of heaven is better than anything else!

If you're reading this and have already put your faith in Christ, be encouraged afresh! If you're reading this and haven't, I'd encourage you to explore it more. Thumbs up or down on this is the most important choice you'll ever make. I'd encourage you to find a church this Christmas eve and check this all out more. Of course, I'm partial to my family of churches (called sovereign Grace), so I'll link to the locator on their web site. I'd really encourage you to check one out if it's near you.

Whatever happens, have a great Christmas, and thanks for sticking it out through a long post!

Resolved...

Jonathan Edwards was a cool guy. And a smart guy. And by grace, a pretty darn godly guy.

But he was a guy, just like us, who had to fight his sin daily. It never really got any easier for him, just as it never does for us. We have to remain vigilant, even militant, and completely resolved.

In 1722, Johny did something I find amazing. He sat down with his journal and wrote out 21 "Resolutions" - committments or promises he was making to God. He began each with the word "Resolved."

What does "resolved" mean? You knew it was coming. Follow me to the illustrious OED...

"Resolved: a. Determined, decided, settled in purpose."

So in effect, with each of these commitments, Johny was saying "I've made up my mind to always, from this day forth..." do X thing.

Why is this amazing? Because it's militant. Johny took the offense for godliness. He wasn't just passively responding to his circumstances and temptations. He took the proverbial bull by the proverbial horns, as it were.

In my impressed state, I began to wonder: could I too be a resolutionary? Sure! Why not? The same grace that enabled Johny enables me. We have the same savior. I could write out resolutions that were applicable to my life as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, redeemed child of God and sinner.

So here they are, for posterity. And if you're interested in Johny's, you can view them here. His are better than mine, but he was wiser than me too. In fact they were so much better that I couldn't improve upon them and I commandeered them for my own. Those one's of his that I have on my list are indicated.

-----------------------

Kari Faherty’s Resolutions
(with a few of Jonathan Edwards’)
- 9 May 2006 -

1. Resolved, to evaluate all things against the backdrop of the gospel.

2. Resolved, to be completely honest with myself and with God, knowing he is watching.

3. Resolved, to always ask myself “What will bring God the most glory right now?” – and do that thing.

4. Resolved, to be zealous for God’s glory, and thus not defame him myself or stand by as others do it, if I can help it.

5. Resolved, to optimize every minute for God’s glory and the advance of his kingdom without tiring.

6. Resolved, to consider myself always the chief of sinners, the queen of backsliding, and the one most in need of a savior – and let this inform my actions.

7. Resolved, to always remember my biggest problem is solved – Hell was a problem. Present affliction is nothing comparatively.

8. Resolved, if anything swells my pride, vanity or self-righteousness – or any other sin or craving – to immediately remove it from my life.

9. Resolved, to live in such a way that, when I come to old age, I will not look back and say “I’ve wasted my life.”

10. Resolved, to secure for myself as much happiness in the life to come by means of actions in the present life.

11. Resolved, to never euphemize or neutralize my descriptions of life as I perceive it, but realize that all things are either for or against God, and to be brutally vigilant to call them such.

12. Resolved, to identify the root actions and heart motivations of all my behaviors.

13. Resolved, to study scripture and the teachings of those wiser than myself with all my mental vigor, acknowledging this as the most important of studies.

14. Resolved, to spend time with God at the beginning of the day, every day, from this day until I die – and if I do not, to submit myself to the strictest scrutiny as to why I failed, both practically and spiritually.

15. Resolved, to only speak that which would please the Lord.

16. Resolved, to treat myself as if I belong to and am on loan from God.

17. Resolved, to harness every trial, heartache and discomfort to grow more into the likeness of Christ.

18. Resolved, to always act as if I had already experienced the happiness of heaven and the torments of hell.

19. “Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it, and let the event be just as providence orders it. I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing more than my duty, and my sin.” –Jonathan Edwards, Resolution #57

20. Resolved, to strive after perfection as if perfection could be attained.

21. Resolved, when my emotions are in the least out of sorts, to scrutinize myself and find out why, recognizing that my emotions are an indicator of what’s going on in my heart.

22. Resolved, to view anyone who wrongs me as a sinner who needs a savior, and myself as no different from them apart from grace.

23. Resolved, To pray for the unsaved daily.

24. Resolved, to distrust my heart.

25. Resolved, to always look where God IS moving and never where he ISN'T.

26. Resolved, to consider every correction brought to me, unless it obviously contradicts scripture.
“Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.” –Jonathan Edwards, Resolution #6

27. “Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.” –Jonathan Edwards, Resolution #56

28. “Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these resolutions, to repent of all I can remember when I come to myself again.” –Jonathan Edwards, Resolution #3

Funny Doctor Story # 4

Dr. Freakout came in a couple days ago. Usually he comes in quietly and stands in front of my desk until I notice him. This time he came right around my desk and stood by my window.

"Look at the flotillas," he said.

I looked out at the lake below my window and there were the geese, swimming in groups.

"A group of geese is called a flotilla?" I asked.

"If they're on the water," he said. "And look there," he pointed, "There are 4 goslings there, and 3 over here." He then looked at me with a superior gaze (nose literally in teh air) and said "Did you know a baby goose was called a gosling?"

"Yes," I said.

"Do you know what a baby swan is called?" he said, laying his trap.

"A swanling?" I offered.

"Jonah would know."

At this point I started searching my memory for swan references in the biblical account of Jonah. Finding none, I raised an eyebrow.

"Jonah is my 6 year old nephew," he said.

At this point I became interested, because Dr. Freakout is not the kind of guy who would care to mention his 6 year old nephew, let alone what he said next.

"How does Jonah know?" I asked, thinking perhaps the rigorous scientist before me was already seeing to his nephew's biology education.

"It's in Stewart Little. I was reading him Steward Little."

Now, picture with me, if you can, a pink-faced, balding but well kept bearded man, with a polo collar sticking out of his sweatshirt and real tennis shoes, curled up in a big arm chair with a six year old and Steward Little on his lap. I could have cried. I think he noticed because he answered his own question.

"It's a signet," he said. "A baby swan is a signet."

Perhaps I was badly prepared by the cute image of this curmudgeon reading a book to his nephew, because I for some reason found the word "signet" insupressively cute in itself. My thoughts ran all over the place, ending in the conclusion that I would fine for myself a little white dog, a very cute one, and name it Signet - "Siggy" for short.

I caught myself again, however, before articulating any of this, and simply said "Signet. I'll remember that."

"However, I don't know what a group of swans is called..." Dr. Freakout said as he left the office.

Well, that was homework if ever I was given homework. I immediately turned to the computer and sought out what a group of swans was called. Upon finding it, I sent Dr. Freakout this email:

"A Group of Swans is a 'whiteness' of swans. I particularly like the 'ostentation of peacocks' as well"

A group of peacoks is an 'ostentation'.

He responded in kind:

"Crows murder. Ravens are just unkind."

A group of crows is a 'murder of crows'. A group of ravens is an 'unkindness of ravens'.

of course I noticed this one, being still in a highly sensitive state to all things cute: a group of hummingbirds is 'a charm of humming birds'.

Early in July...

Early in July God saved me. I have very fond memories of that time. I was at a youth camp in an abandoned Swiss Army camp - yes, in Switzerland. In the Alps, even. I was in a little town called Grindlewald, outside Interlaken. I kneeled down on a wet balcony in the evening, and staring up at a humongous mountain, I told the Lord my life was his from that second on.

I can hear you sighing. "Picture perfect..." you think. Well, it was until I went back inside and saw everyone flocking toward the pubs - where there were televisions. Yep, something else was going on early in July...

I thought it was silly in 1997. What do I have to say now?

2 to 4, Germany.

Funny Doctor Story # 3

The Course Director came in the other day asking to be let into the store room where we keep all our office supplies. This room is locked for a reason that has been obsolete and passe for a long time. But the lock remains, and staff must come to the office to ask me to let them into the store room if they want so much as a ball-point pen.

"Do you have devious intentions?" I asked the Course Director.

He looked as if I could not have made a more serious accusation against his character if I'd contrived to.

"What?" he said.

"Are you going to steal anything?" I asked.

The offended look grew more intense.

"Just say you won't," I emplored him.

"I won't," he said, distrustfully.

I pointed immediately to a drawer in my supervisor's desk. We were alone in the office and I was extremely busy, and didn't feel like getting up to supervise him while he grabbed sticket notes. I decided it would hurt nothing to show him the secret location of the key, which, in my mind, was no secret at all, since everyone who ever needed white out had seen us to into that drawer and take the key out.

"Open that drawer," I said. After a brief game of something like "hot and cold" he located the drawer and opened it. I gave him a few more instructions that revealed the location of the key under a very nondiscript desk item. He took the key and used it to access his sticket notes, then brought it back to me.

"Don't tell anyone you know where the key is," I said as he placed it back in my palm.

"I won't," he assured me. "But why'd you tell me if I shouldn't know?"

"Because everyone knows already," I asserted. "We've kept it in that drawer since I've been here - all we've done recently is move it 3 inches to the left and put it under something. Anyone could find it if they moved stuff around."

"I never would have found it," he said with a superior tone in his voice. He exited promptly, looking at me like he really stuck me one.

I lowered my eyebrows. I was reminded of something my brother said to me once: "Gee sis, you could be a knock out if you just tried." Um, thanks?

So here again - how does one respond? Who's the fool? Me because I revealed the key? Or the Course Director because he never would have found it?

A Temple of the Holy Spirit

"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." --1 Sam 16:7

Most of us are familiar with this passage - Samuel the prophet has been told to annoint the next king of Israel, and is going through the line up of Jesse's sons. He sees an attractive one and says to himself 'this has got to be the guy!' But God responds in the verse above. "I have rejected him. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." This is my theme verse as I embark on a pretty rigorous health overhaul. I've got access to gym equipment, my diet is pretty well under control, and I've even picked some sports to focus on that will develop the skills and strengths I desire to have. Shoot, I've even got the determination to make it happen! I've got all the equipment - but I hope I can hold on to a good heart motivation...

As I've been studying how to approach this, I was reminded of an interaction I had with a woman not to long ago. I was telling her how I hadn't been eating very much or very well over the past week, and she responded by saying "that's awful! You need to be more careful - you're body is a temple of the holy spirit."

I don't know when the mindset of "it's my responsibility to eat well and exercise because my body is a temple of the holy spirit" started, it's never sat right with me. In my study, I haven't found any scripture that directs us to think this way. I sometimes wonder if this isn't a dangerous way of thinking.

There's no scripture exhorting us anywhere to stay physically fit to the end of 'taking care of our temple'. The verses most often cited as a proof text that we are to stay physically fit because our bodies are temples are 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

Sounds convincing when it stands alone, but that is one of the most dangerous ways to read the bible. When considering a topic, we have to discipline ourselves to consider what the whole bible says about a given subject, not just what a single verse says about it. When you read this passage in context, we see that what Paul is talking about is sexual purity. "Glorifying god in your body", as used in this passage, is abstaining from sexual sin. Sexual sin defiles our temple - having physical flaws doesn't. A fit body isn't a prerequisit to God's presence, but a pure heart is - that's the whole reason we have to be justified. If a fit body were mandatory, we'd all have been made supermodels at the time of our conversion (and there would be ALOT more converts to Christianity!)

It seems, as usual, that as I embark on this mission to get healthier that God is concerned with my heart. I wouldn't think God is pleased if we're in great shape but our motivations in getting that way were sinful. I'm surprised how I often hear women use the temple analogy in the context of eating well and exercising, and it always makes me raise an eyebrow. I wonder if this way of thinking doesn't sometimes trap us - we end up striving only after changing our bodies under the guise of 'taking care of our temple', thinking that's what God wants, without addressing our hearts. "I'm taking care of my temple..." Sounds so righteous and godly when contrasted with being vain and proud.

Scripture is clear - directly and indirectly - that God doesn't look at us and see us as we see each other. He's examining our hearts. I haven't seen anywhere in scripture where eating well and exercising are perscribed as a way to take care of our temple. If it were, then God would have issued a command that some of his people couldn't keep - namely the physically deformed and disabled.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm the first to get up and cheer for eating well and exercising - and Scripture is clear that these are good things. Daniel and his friends drank and ate water and veggies for just 10 days and were discribed as "better in appearance" than the rest of their class who was eating meat and wine every day. Overeating is clearly discouraged in Proverbs 23:20-21. And the famous Proverbs 31 woman is commended for making her arms strong. "Making" implies work was done to get them that way. When I stand next to my husband, I'm aware that I don't have naturally strong arms, like he does. She had to work to make her arms strong - she must have exercised in some way, be it deliberate or through her daily tasks, and she is honored for it. But our motivation in doing those things should be to glorify God, not to change our bodies. If glorifying god is better done through a healthier, fitter body, we should certainly persue that! But we should all be in a place in our hearts where we really aren't concerned with our body's shape - only it's function to assist us in glorifying God in our actions. Granted, being fit usually helps us functionally to serve God, but it seems we have to tread carefully, realizing that fitness in itself isn't something God demands of us - a pure heart before him is. A healthier lifestyle should only be pursued in tandem with a healthier heart, never by itself for the sake of 'temple maintenance'. This is why I raise an eyebrow when I hear "I should take better care of myself BECAUSE my body is a temple" instead of "I should take better care of myself BECAUSE it will better enable me to glorify God in my actions."

What does Scripture have to say? It's pretty straight forward: "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. " (Rom 14:17) The food isn't God's concern. Our hearts are. Scripture has alot to say about food, but it's all in context of our hearts and whether or not we're making the gospel more or less attractive to a watching world through our actions.