Italy Bound!

I've been absent from this blog for a while, busily keeping another, which is cataloging the ramp up to and eventually our Italy trip itself.

you can visit it here.

Can't wait!! I'm expectant that God is going to meet me while I'm there. I've got lots to pray about.

?!

So Stephan just walked up to me holding a bottle of my homemade olive oil body scrub.

"Did you notice the spider that drowned in here?"

It was one of those *blink blink* moments.  Sure enough, a tiny spider was floating in the olive oil.

Good thing the bottle was almost empty...

A Godly Man's Picture...

There he is!  Pounding away at the computer, just like he has for the past 2 years.  He's pounding the Starbucks too - because he's slept very little this week and has had a full day at work every day.  Going to bed early isn't an option this week, because he takes his last final tomorrow and presents his thesis on Friday.  Oh, and did I leave out the bit about me getting angry and him having to lay everything down to help me with a little heart work?  Yeah... that took a good 45 minutes... twice this week...  Some of those late nights were my doing...

Ephesians 5 says that Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it.  They're to love her as they would their own bodies, for no one hates his own flesh, but cares for it and cherishes it - just like Jesus cares for and cherishes the church, because we're part of his body if we've trusted in his death for our sins.

One of the pastors at our church preached on this passage recently.  In the course of the message he posed a question to the husbands present: "Men, have you loved your wife in a way that cost you something recently?"

I really think I live with the most compelling example of this passage ever.  From the instant I became Stephan's wife, he's loved me sacrificially.   These past 2 years of graduate school have been years of cost to him - he's give up sleep, leisure, and preference after preference after preference.  And he's not doing it for a career - he's doing it for me.  Talk about laying your life down.

Just a little tribute, Stephan - I know it will probably embarass you.  But I'm not posting anything the world wouldn't already see by watching you.  Thank you for loving me in a way that cost you something.  I can't wait to see you reap the rewards of your hard work in Italy!  9 days!!

GOD has done it!

I just read this in my quiet time:

"When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I the Lord will answer them; I the God of Israel will not forsake them.  I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys.  I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water. ...that they may see and know, may consider and understand together, that the hand of the Lord has done this, the Holy One of Israel has created it."  -Isa 41:17-20

That they may see and know... This is a precious phrase (or variant of a phrase) to see in scripture.  God owes us nothing.  He never has to reveal his motives or plans to us.  But to catch glimpses of what he's doing behind the scenery of our lives is always heartening.

There are days when I've felt thirsty...thirsty for certainty, for clarity, for direction, for stregnth... The Bible tells us in numerous places that God has promised not to forsake us - so why then do we thirst?  I can feel forsaken in those times.  

This verse tells us that God's intention isn't to leave us thirsty forever.  He withholds the water so we turn to him for it - and when he grants it, it's with the purpose of making us understand that He is our supplier, our wellspring.  He is the source of our satisfaction.  Any of god's gifts are meant to point us back to him.  Sometimes he lets us thirst so that he can get our attention back from something else we've pinned it on.

There's another place in scripture where language like this is used.  These words were spoken by Moses as he was presenting the people of Israel with the original tables inscribed with the Ten Commandments:

"And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. ...Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments..., lest, when you have eaten and are full, and have built good houses and live in them, and when ...all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness...that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end.  Beware lest you say in your heart, 'My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.'  You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day." Selections from Dueteronomy 8

This is clear and hope-giving.  God let the people of Israel hunger in the wilderness, then provided their food to point them back to himself, their true source of sustainance.  And he warns them against ever thinking that their needs are met merely by their own stregnth, stating bluntly that, though they work, it is God who is behind their ability to work at all - and he does it to show his care for a people whom he's set his love on, to show again his faithfulness to his promises and committment to his covenant.

So, I don't think it's a leap in logic to confidently say that, when we're in trial, God allows us to thirst or hunger in order that we might realize our need, then, when he fulfills our needs, we'd say "GOD has done it!"

I've felt poor and needy and thirsty.  I feel like I've been allowed to hunger in a terrifying wilderness.  Today is day 15 in the countdown to Stephan finishing graduate school.  His masters has been a long row to how, as they say (abundantly moreso for him than me!).  And now that I'm nearly done, I can look back and see wonderful patterns.  When I needed water, God provided refreshment through his spirit when I prayed or others prayed for me.  When I needed food, he fed me through his word, in both my personal readings and other believers bringing it to me.  And afterward, every time I've said in my heart God has done it.  Every time he meets a need, I'm reminded more and more how much I need him to meet it.  Beyond that, every new time I give a little less thought to looking for water or food in another place - I just come to God quicker and quicker in the first place.  This is good training!

I realize this post has a gloomy tone - but I want to clarify that I'm not gloomy!  This is weighty but exciting stuff to have seen work out in my personal life.  It makes this amazing, merciful God realer to me, and strengthens my faith that he's designed my circumstances to 'do me good in the end' too.  

Gumball Machine!

Last year I asked Stephan if we could get a gumball machine.  He said no, mostly on financial grounds.  We were completely provided for and not in any danger of going hungry - but an expensive (and they are expensive...) gumball machine wasn't a need at that time, and probably wasn't wise.  After our discussion I agreed with him completely, and we abandoned the gumball machine in solidarity.

Tonight, months and months and months later, we saw a play at church.  The play was AMAZING.  It was based on John Bunyan's book Pilgrim's Progress, a phenomenal allegory of Christian life.  The main character, named Christian, makes his way long a path - and sometimes the path is hard.  Sometimes he wants to give up.  In one scene of the play, he comes upon an old acquaintance named Goodwill, and is telling her how badly he wants to get to the Celestial City, where his journey will end and he can rest.  She lovingly tells him that his time will come, but not to rush.  "There's much the King has given us to enjoy along the path!" she said.

Did I mention that Goodwill, in our play, was cast as an Irish girl who plays the fiddle?

She started playing, and then to everyone's surprise, and my great joy, there was an Irish step-dancing number - with bagpipes even!  I adore Irish music, especially fiddle music, and clapped my way through the whole number.  I was really blessed by it.

Driving home, I told Stephan how I felt genuinely encouraged, that something so personally enjoyable was written into the play as something symbolizing the rest and delight God wants us to have along the way in life.

When we got home, our parking space had been parked in, so we had to drive up and around the court to turn around.  On the way, we passed something sitting on the side of the road.

"Hey," Stephan said, "you still want a gumball machine?"

Yes, it was a retro gumball machine that someone was throwing out - and yes, I still wanted it, so I jumped out and grabbed it, and now it's sitting in my living room, soon to be filled with spherical joy.

Just a little bit of rest and delight God meant for me to have along the way in life, I guess!

"Consider Him..."

It's been a long time since I posted what God was teaching me in my quiet times... it used to be my primary post material, but recently I've taken to only posting after I've stopped laughing when something outrageous happens to me.  I want to catch that stuff to remember later, for sure - but I want to catch the little ways God encourages my soul too.  Those are the things that affect my heart later.

Today is day 21 is our countdown to Stephan finishing grad school.  Neither of us can believe we're so close!  I say "we" at Stephan's insistance.  He says this is something we're doing together - and he's right...at least, if my weariness of it all is any indicator...

This morning I woke up wanting nothing more than to have his attention.  And, this was the one day of the semester he just couldn't give it.  The largest segment of his final paper is due, well, in 2 hours - before midnight tonight.  It's been a hard push this week, and an even harder push today.  There wasn't any leeway to be spending time with me...

I've been reading through the book of Isaiah, but today, having those "I just can't do this anymore..." thoughts, I flipped to Hebrews 12 and read one short but powerful verse:

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."  -Heb 12:3

Weary and fainthearted... yep, that about summed it up.  And the author of Hebrews was just as faithful as Paul or Peter before him to point me back to the one solution to every problem I'll ever face: the gospel.

Jesus endured much more than I'll ever have to...and this verse says that he did it so that I might not grow weary or fainthearted.  When I think of him - and who is 'him'? My savior, my mediator, my way to the Father - who endured the wrath of God that I deserved for my sin, it's much easier to press on in joy and persevere through tough times.  Why?  Because since Jesus endured what he did, I now have access to the father to ask for help when I need it, and the holy spirit living in me to give me power to endure myself, just like Christ did.

So, today, I've considered him, my savior, who endured such hostility and scorn from sinners like me, to take my punishment so that I'll never have to, and remembered that becaues he did it I have stregnth for today and bright hope for tomorrow - and this buoys me up as I endure for this life, until my final rest comes in heaven

(...or, my temporary rest comes in Italy.  21 DAYS!!!)