My Heart Tablet

I recently decided I wanted to keep a journal. It seems such a romanticized practice to me, one kept only by the sophisticated - the kind of people who publish memoirs one day.

Or is it?

The fluttery teenager, sitting in English class, scribbling in a brightly colored spiral notebook.
The contemplative college student, sitting in a quiet back corner of Starbucks, tapping into a word document.
The expectant mother, sitting in the rocking chair in the still vacant nursery, one hand laid on her gentle swell, one hand taking notes to relay to her almost-child.
The aging grandmother, sitting in an assisted living facility, recording what she can before it's claimed forever by death or dementia...

What's on those pages? What are those women writing when they journal? It seems a simple answer: Their thoughts.

So since I've decided to become a journaler, I am charged with the simple task of scribing my thoughts.

What a dangerous undertaking.

My thoughts are so often selfish, prideful, malicious, judgemental and discontent - amongst other things. Let me ask, if your thoughts were instantaneously published in a blog, would you be put ill at ease? I certainly would. And it was a painful realization that my thoughts are disproportionately God-grieving rather than God-glorifying. But what's to be done? I find myself screaming with Paul "wretched [woman] that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24).

Take heart - God's got the answers. First, I musn't forget that I have a savior! Not only am I removed from the ultimate threat of God's righteous wrath against my sin, but I am also delievered from the immediate and continuous struggles with sin. My thoughts don't have to be embarassing as I pen them on this page. With the Holy Spirit's help, I can have a thought life that glorifies God.

And practically? The author of Proverbs has an answer consistent with the rest of scripture:

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,... Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." -Proverbs 3:1 & 3

This is a principle reiterated over and over in scripture. Remember God's commands and hide them in your heart. Psalm 119 is a love song to God's word. The author is grief-stricken when he sees others not keeping it. I personally am not that passionate about scripture. And shame on me - because in God's commands there is wisdom.

Proverbs was written by a father to his son. He beseaches his son here to remember his commands and his teaching, to keep these in his heart, to write them on the tablet of his heart. This begged the question: what am I writing on my heart tablet? This must be a particularly special and even influencial place if this father, who obviously loves his son deeply, is imploring his son to keep God's commands there. Is my heart tablet filled up with other things than God's commands?

I'm afraid so.

This journal is an attempt to reclaim my heart tablet for God's glory - not my own indulgence. I invite the reader to email me with any kind of questions, encouragement, or corrections they may feel appropriate as my thoughts come pouring out. I need you folks - in your council there's protection.

Remember the Gospel