One gal's record of trying to pay much closer attention to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

(...with a sprinkling of accounts from her outrageously blessed life with THE best husband in the world!)




09 December 2005

How sick I really am

I was told yesterday I had developed the “look of the chronically ill”. The generic meds obviously weren't working. I called my doctor.

When I went to pick up the correct medication, the pharmacist said that I wasn’t scheduled to get a refill until the 21st. I told her what had happened, and she explained that my insurance didn’t take those circumstances into account – they only contributed to the price once a month. As far as they were concerned, I shouldn’t be refilling my medication yet. I asked what I’d have to do to get the medication now. She said “pay out of pocket.”

The prices of other people’s medications I’d heard while waiting flashed in my head. $72. $76. $84. $60. I asked how much it would be out of pocket. $19 was her reply. I paid and left.

I realized as I walked home that I would have been willing to pay much more than I did to take that medication home immediately. I was surprised at how much it had become worth to me in the days I’ve been ill. I wanted to be fixed.

I became aware over the past weeks of how sick I really am. I was taken down deeper into my disease than I’ve ever been. I’ve seen how badly I really do need help – something outside myself, to come in and ‘fix me’. No amount of my willpower or effort makes it go away. I can’t cure myself.

Sin is a lot like that too: It affects every area of my life, I can’t fix it myself through my own effort, and I need outside help. The good news is that there’s a “medication” for it though – the Gospel! And there’s insurance that will pay for it in full, costing us nothing out of pocket – God’s love. And it only takes one dose to be saved from the death this disease brings. We still need regular doses of grace to fight its affects while we live, but we aren’t going to die from it! And we aren’t told that because we’ve already had a refill this month, we have to pay full price for it – it’s abundant and free!

So I ask myself: am I aware of how sick I really am? Do I understand the severity of my sin? Do I know that I can’t fix my sin through my own effort and acknowledge that I need Jesus and his sacrifice to save me from death? Do I long after God and his grace with the same intensity that I long after my medication when I’m feeling the effects of my sickness? Am I as troubled when I miss a dose of time with God as I am when I miss a dose of medication? Do I see danger in that, just as I see danger in missing my medication? Do I daily appreciate the fact that his grace is free and abundant? Do I tell God I appreciate it regularly?

Not always – and shame on me. I can say confidently that after having experienced it for even a short amount of time, I can’t imagine life without being on the medicine of God’s grace. I am completely dependent on it to get me through without feeling the effects of my disease – sin. Given this, I should be much more thankful, especially since this treatment regimen is completely free. The Gospel has saved me from greater peril than my physical medication has – I should have a much less complacent attitude about this wonderful gift!


But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law. --Romans 3:21-28

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