Self-sufficiency

So I came to a realization this morning.

...or rather, God did some revealing.

I plan out my week at its onset. Then I'm at least somewhat prepared for what's rushing at me. I have a mind-dump page where I write down anything and everything that needs doing. I also have a series of questions I ask myself, and the answers yeild more to-dos. All these trickle down into my weekly plan. I assign each task to chunks of time, which I indicate as a big block on my daily schedule.

There's one block I hate drawing. The big one, the one that takes up 8 hours of my day. The one for work.

When I see that I have roughly 5 hours left in my day before I have to go to sleep only to get up and do it all again, I get pretty depressed. It seems like I'll never accomplish all the things that have trickled down from the master to-do list...

Here was the eureka moment. I was looking at my life through self-sufficent lenses. What does scripture say about that?

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. --John 15:4-6

Apart from me you can do nothing. Nothing unclear about that. So when I start looking to myself for strength and ability, I'm going to stop bearing fruit. There's nothing mysterious at work here. My dependence had shifted from God to myself.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. --Proverbs 3:5

In all my ways I'm to acknowledge God. So when I was tempted to stay in bed yesterday morning, I needed to acknowledge god and ask for help. When I was frantic last sunday because of unforseen circumstances taking up 3 hours of my day, I needed to acknowledge God. When my husband I were shopping for tupperware? Yup, should've acknowledged God. Oh, and when I grabbed my toothbrush last night - should've acknowledge him then too.

Did I? Nope. And that's why my dependence has shifted. So what do I do to shift it back? Well, if I need any more incentive I can look around at the fruit that self-sufficiency is bearing in my life. Yuck. Practically, I need to acknowledge God in all my ways, and meditate on the truth that I really can do nothing apart from Him.

In an article on common grace, Randy Alcorn writes this powerful statement: "...[I]f no grace was shown to someone in rebellion against Christ, he couldn't draw his next breath, let alone commit his next sin." (emphasis mine) Wow. God patiently forebears with my rebellion and even sustains my sinful heart when I don't deserve it. I really can't do anything apart from God.

So, I'd appreciate your prayers as I try to overcome this gross sin. What better way is there to sabatoge yourself, eh? Praise God for his mercy.