When I was in college I had the privlige of interning at The Smithsonian Institution. One of the projects I helped coordinate was a dance, performed by a Pakistani dance company. The Pakistani Ambassador and his companions had been invited. Three interns (myself included) were helping my supervisor set up. My supervisor told us to label the front row "reserved". So we did.
Later she came running up to me "You didn't mark the seats 'Reserved - Embassy of Pakistan'!" I didn't recall ever having heard her tell us to do that. I did what I could to give a suggestion for fixing the problem, but she just flitted away in a complete panic. I grabbed a sharpie and added the tag "Embassy of Pakistan" on the front row reserved signs.
The performance was flawless and it all when wonderfully, and apparently the group from the Pakistani Embassy found their seats just fine because there was much hugging and schmoozing at the end over our success.
When I told the other two interns about the incident with my supervisor, they both said "Oh yeah, we heard her say you should put 'Embassy of Pakistan' on all the signs." I just stared at them blankly. All I could think was "Why didn't you say something then?"
I often find myself thinking this way about my sin too. I'll fall victim to the consequences of my sinful actions and motivations, and after the fact, when I've confessed my sin to others they'll say something like "I'm so glad you finally noticed - I could see it all along." I have the same thoughts: Why didn't you say something? Why did you just stand, looking on, and keep silent?
Scripture tells us that if we observe another believer in sin, we're supposed to call them out on it gently, with the motivation to keep them from danger. Sin isn't trivial stuff to be dealt lightly with - it's dangerous. I can recall numerous times when my friends and family have lovingly said something like "Do you realize you're going 90 in a 55?" or my husband grabbing my arm and saying "Car!" before I step out into the street or jerking my hand back before I reach for a hot cookie sheet without a pot holder. All these people see me heading for trouble and seek to prevent the harm that will befall me if I proceed.
Why is it so hard for us to do the same thing when we see our friends sinning?
I had my first tea-time with my accountability partner from my caregroup at church. An accountability partner is just that - someone who has committed to holding me accountable to do various things in my life, mainly see and mortify my sin. She's pretty ruthless - and I'd have it no other way. Sin is pretty dicey stuff, and it isn't to be treated lightly. I want someone who isn't going to let me off the hook when it comes to my sin. I left that meeting so thankful for the protection God has given me in the Church. I'm coming to realize how badly I need other people speaking into my life. I can't trust my own heart - scripture says "the heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately sick." (Jer 17:9) I can't discern my own heart. I need other people to look on and point out what I can't see - because there is stuff I can't see. I'm in a car full of blindspots with mirrors in which things "may be closer than they appear". Isn't it helpful when we're trying meneuver our cars into or out of tight spaces to have someone on the outside waving their hands this way and that, guiding us through those precarious quarters, or even sometimes screaming out "STOP!" How much trouble does this save us? Lots. (And to all those good drivers out there - I beg you, don't be cocky. You may drive a physical car well, but NO ONE drives the car of their life well without help.)
If the other interns there that night had just gently said to me "Did you hear your supervisor say we're supposed to add "Embassy of Pakistan" on these signs? I thought I did." I probably wouldn't have liked to hear it. But I would have been made suspicious of my memory and would have double checked with my supervisor. Accountability does the same thing: we'll never like hearing someone tell us where we're sinning. We want to believe we're right. We want to think we can keep watch over our hearts all alone. But we've got to be humble and be suspicious of our hearts when we hear people observe sin in our lives - and then go back to the ultimate authority of Scripture and double check what they're saying. But let me prepare you - usually they're right, and we're left having to find a sharpie and fix some sin. Bet let me tell you, I've never regretted avoiding the consequences of sin. I've always regretted not being at least suspicious of my heart and checking my friend's suggestions against scripture.
So we've got two questions now:
- What keeps you from calling your saved loved one's to task on their sin? (fear of their reaction? lack of real concern over the consequences they'll suffer? lack of committment to rooting out sin - yours or otherwise? laziness in being vigilant, or in studying to know what exactly sin is?)
- What keeps you from being suspicious of your own heart and at least considering their suggestions? (fear of being thought ungodly? being more concerned over controlling your own life than pleasing God? pride in honestly believing you're 'doing alright'? fear that you won't really be able to change?)
I'd urge you to consider this. God has given us a huge vehicle of protection in the observations and suggestions of others. Humble yourself and consider them. Always presume you could be wrong - and then if you are, admit it to God and ask for help to start changing. You'll never regret it.
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